In Depth (Jensoo)

Drowning

"Someone! Please!"

The water around me feels like it's suffocating me. I can't breathe and the waves keep crashing onto me. I don't think anyone can hear me.

I try to stand up but the tide comes in and pulls the sand away and I fall back into the water and I feel myself floating away from my parents.

"SOMEONE HELP ME! PLEASE! I CAN'T SWIM!"

I keep trying to fight the harsh waves and I keep kicking against the water.

My foster siblings can't hear me from how far I am.

I keep fighting the harsh waves but each one pushes me farther and farther away from land and I start to lose the sand underneath my feet.

Suddenly it's all gone and I gasp as I fall under.

I gasp as I sit up and start hyperventilating.

I clutch the fabric of my shirt over my heart and it's pounding like crazy.

I can't feel myself breathe and I feel like I'm drowning all over again.

I move my hands into my hair and keep panting.

I haven't had a panic attack about drowning since before I met Jisoo.

I breathe harshly as I run out of the room to the small balcony. I rip open the door and hear the alarm beep and I fumble my phone out of my pocket, disarming it.

I hold the railing of the balcony and slowly bring myself to smell the freshness and count the number of trees outside. There's a light chilly breeze in the early morning air. It's a bit foggy like it always is. I curl my toes into the cement ground to feel something solid beneath me.

I blow out breaths and slowly my heart rate comes down and I collapse into the small chair on the side.

The dreams used to be very frequent before I met her but after I did, I never had them again.

Since she left, they haven't as frequent as before but I still have them every few months.

"Mommy?"

I look up and see Mi-Hae staring at me with concern.

I manage a tired smile and hold my arms open.

She walks into them and hugs my neck with her small arms.

I turn my face into her neck and breathe her in.

I have a daughter....I have a life.... I am content...

Jisoo's face comes to my mind and I push it away.

I don't want to think about her.

I spent the last five years with the face she made right before she left.

••••••••••
8 years ago
(All the references to the past will be continuous. This is continuing from the last one.)

I seriously hate Jisoo.

Like she's the most immature person I have ever met.

She has no responsibility or respect for me or women in general and does whatever she wants.

For example, for the month so far that I have been assigned as her mentor, she strolls into the lab in her jeans and tank top, plops herself next to me and starts flirting with the researcher in the station next to me.

For an hour.

It's hard to concentrate when all they do is talk.

Eventually I have to yell at them and since I have more experience the other woman listens.