ᴇᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟʟʏ ʏᴏᴜʀs

Chapter 5: Closer

"I've never ever seen my brother like that, Esha. We have always seen his softest side. That day, I experienced his inner beast waking up. I was beyond horrified experiencing him in that state." Sana paused for a bit and continued, "But that only proves his love for you, Esha. He is a man of his word, when he has confessed to you, that's genuine. But you have taken the correct decision too, Esha. It's better to take it slow. You need to realize your feelings first, Esha. See if my brother is really someone you can rely on. Only when you feel he is the one, tell him how you feel. In that way, you both won't get hurt. I'm always there for both of you. Don't worry, Esha."

We talked with Sana after that incident and now everything is fine. I and Abhi got closer. We often used to have late night calls, little coffee dates we both being total coffee freaks and also little library dates.

In all this, I discovered that Abhi was a straight A student. I was totally shook, astonished as hell when he, very efficiently explained me the topics I couldn't even make out. I could tell he was equally efficient in Physics, Chemistry and Biology in his pre-med studies.

It was some days prior to our 1st semister. I was facing few problems in Anatomy but Abhi was always there to solve each and every problem for me. In one of our late night calls, prior to our exam, I told him about that.

"Are you totally prepared for the exam, Abhi? You'll top in your class, right? I don't think I will be able to write a good paper" I asked him being curious.

"Ah, Esha, stop exaggerating. You are making me totally embarassed. Yeah, I'm prepared but don't feel low about yourself, too. You are also in a very good condition. And whatever problems you have now, will not exist till the exam. Because the one coaching you will never let that happen. I'll make sure that you rock the exam."

"You know what, Abhi, I've always tried to be that kind of student who is always praised by his/her teachers and parents. That doesn't mean I don't want them to scold me. They should whenever they feel the need to. But that always makes me feel like they are gradually losing confidence in me. Their disappointment in me is the least thing I ever hope for. That's the biggest fear in my life. I never want to break anybody's trust in me. But I'm so much fragile and I lack confidence so very much, that most of the times, I'm on the verge of breaking down with the fear of losing everything, especially the trust of my loved ones. That time, I realize how nice parents and teachers I've got in my life. My teachers and mostly my parents are the biggest support system in my life. Never ever in my life have they questioned me or held me accountable for my failure. Another thing which I despise the most was never done by my parents. Rather they always encouraged me and asked me to keep faith in myself. But I guess I haven't been a good daughter to them." I was crying heavily and my voice broke as I finished talking. The pillow under my head was half-soaked with my tears. More tears welled up in the corner of my eyes as time passed.

But Abhi listened to each and every word of mine with patience. I was glad that he didn't judge me anyhow though I knew he wouldn't do that ever in any condition. After a minute of silence, Abhi asked," I'm not physically with you, now so I can only console you over phone. Otherwise, I would just hug you tightly and cage you in my arms for the entire night, princess. I never knew you held such emotional and dark corner in your heart. I would just tell you to be confident, Esha. It's okay to cry. Never think of me as an outsider. I would never make fun of you. I'm always there to support you. But self confidence is a thing which you should garner and none can do that for you. You yourself have to do that."

I was never the one who would casually go on telling people about my vulnerability. But he wasn't just a mere outsider to me. Leave the love thing, even as a friend, he is very close to me just like my parents. So I never felt uncomfortable in crying before him. Telling him about the things which always burdened my heart felt so right at that moment.