The Vortex: Rectification

Chapter Nine.

Forty-Nine.

I am possibly too confident in my knowledge that everyone is way too glad about the fact that we have two living rooms because it is possible that I have turned the one on our side into a complete mess of books and notes from two decades ago. Harry didn't seem surprised, when instead of ingredients Liylah and I ascended the stairs with boxes of notes and research that would clear this weird funk I was in.

Spending all my time walking around rememorising potions were one thing, trying to remember all of those useless plans from when I was in my cell was wasted time too. I think for Harry it's a mix of hating that I was moping around with Aleera and maybe knowing that there's only one person that'll be able to fix this, and I don't think anyone is under the impression it'll be anyone but me.

It's the kind of pressure that used to send me spiralling but with every page of research that I begin to read, the more that the nagging feeling in the back of my head seems to resurface but I can't pinpoint the reason.

"You know, I don't think that Elizabeth is going to be too thrilled when she comes back to see you've turned the clean side of the house into a library" Jamie laughs, prompting me to look up from my sixteenth notepad to get a glimpse of him.

Leant against the doorframe leading to the other sides kitchen, his arm still in a sling from the nasty tumble he took into a wall yesterday at one of The Saviours safe houses. "Are you saying I'm messy?"

A smile breaks across his face, slow steps over my sprawled-out research and the pages of spells, research and notes that have fallen from binds too old to be legible in some cases. "I'm saying that I don't know how you have gotten through so much information in such little time, and not had your brain give out on you"

Jamie slides down until he is rested against the couch next to me, scooping up the books next to him and moving them out of his way. "I don't sleep much these days, which I know you are aware of, so this has been a good distraction. Besides, Harry doesn't like when I spend every hour of everyday in Aleera's room, I think it makes him upset"

"How is that for you? Being around her after everything that has happened with her and the pressure of fixing her, bringing her back"

Settling my notepad back against my legs, my gaze finds Jamie as he stares at everyone moving around the other side in preparation for Elizabeth's birthday. "I don't feel like anyone would be mad or hate me if I didn't manage to save her, but I think they would if I admitted that I don't think she should be in a coma for much longer"

"Elaborate?" Jamie requests but the judgement that I am so afraid of hearing doesn't overtake his voice.

I can't help the sigh of relief that echoes around us, that he wants to know more and isn't immediately discrediting what I am saying but admitting it hurts just as much as keeping it in does. It's not a nice thought, but sometimes the worst thoughts are the ones that might be the most rational of it all.

"I can figure out how to brew the original potion, the one infused with my magic and that kept her moving and talking and alive. It might take a while, but I know I can do it, but it's been so long and taking her out of the coma for it, well it might kill her instead of saving her and then comes the age-old issue of figuring out what made her sick in the first place and I just can't-"

"And that's the pressure I was talking about" Jamie interjects, sensing my words were getting too cluttered and confused as I try and spit them out into the world. "And I am not saying that anyone would hate you if you were honest about your thoughts but is drowning in all these notes to try and rejog your memory really the best option?"