𝙁𝙤𝙧𝙘𝙚 𝙁𝙞𝙚𝙡𝙙 - Charles Leclerc (CL16) [Book 1]

𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚝𝚢-𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝

It's Monday afternoon, and I made it out of bed and to Monaco for a late lunch with Raegan, Kelly and Kika. Raegan has left Lando at home to finish packing for their long vacation.

To be honest, it was hard trying to get out of bed after we hung up from Zoom earlier. I have made no effort to put on a nice outfit or wear any make-up. I look like some kind of charity case sat next to my beautiful friends, Kelly and Kika are literally models and then I am sat here looking like some sort of gargoyle.

I mean they are all dressed in casual day to day clothes, but I look more like I'm going on a school trip and not to a nice restaurant in Monaco.

So far the lunch has been pretty quiet, I feel like no one really knows what to say and we are all just eating our food - or in my case moving it from one side to another on the plate.

My attention is caught by a small cough from Raegan. As I slowly lift my eyes from the plate in front of me, I meet eyes with my three friends, all looking at me with sad smiles.

Raegan grabs my hand before she speaks up, "I know this is a stupid question, but how are you?" Her voice is full of compassion and I can feel tears well up immediately.

"It is what it is, I deserve it." My voice breaks but I manage to not burst out in tears which I count as a win.

The three girls exchange some looks between each other, you can tell they don't really know how to reply to that. Except for Raegan, because as always, she has something to say. "You know how much I love you, but you are right. The way you treated Carlos was terrible..." Before she could say much more, I noticed Kelly nudge her in her side, trying to hide it from me, but I noticed.

As much as I want to speak up for myself right now, I know that this time there is nothing that could put me in a good light to everyone. And as much as it hurts me, I deserve Carlos' reaction, I deserve that he dumped me and I deserve all of Raegan's comments.

"I know." That's all I can say before my gaze is back on my still completely full plate.

The girls seem to know better than to ask me any more questions, as they continue their conversation. I can't even be bothered to listen anymore, my thoughts drifting off to last night at the club.

Small bits from that night keep coming back to me, like there is someone drip feeding me memories. At home, I was bawling my eyes out almost every time, until I got to the memory of what happened after Carlos dumped me.

There is not much, and it's by far not as clear as the break-up scenery but still, there are little moments that came back to me .

I can clearly remember how I tried to walk to the beach, but after not being able to find it I got more and more frustrated until the point I decided to just sit down on the side of the road, waiting for whatever to come.

I can remember a car pulling up, Charles helping me up and driving me home. I can't remember much of the drive home part because I fell asleep, but I know we talked for a bit without fighting or snapping at each other. That's something that has not happened before or probably wouldn't have happened when Carlos and I were still dating and happy together. I don't know what we actually talked about but I think for now I'll take it as it is and try not to interpret or think too much into it.

Charles Leclerc drove me home. He even left me some painkillers. That was definitely not something I was expecting from him. It was a nice gesture and definitely made me a little happier this morning despite how terrible I felt.

The feelings I have towards Charles changed slightly after yesterday. It's not like I suddenly like him, but there is definitely less hate towards him. Amongst all this mess, I don't really know how to feel about that change in feelings but I'll worry about that on another day. Right now I just want to feel absolutely miserable for a few days.