{i've dug two graves for us my dear
can't pretend that i was perfect leavin'
you in fear..}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ellie.
I sit up and turn my head to see Quinn soundly sleeping beside me, watching as her hand reaches for the warm spot on the small bed I arose from.
The only thing on my mind right now is Abby, Tommy's words echo through the back of my mind over and over and over again.
"I'll make her pay."
My own words echo through me.
While Quinn seeks to heal us, I seek revenge.
I want to completely rid the word of Abby Anderson, scaring it with my revenge for the rest of existence.
I want her to feel the pain that she's caused me and Quinn, I wanna watch her suffer as I end her life.
But most of all I want to see the look on her face when she realizes it's all over, that's she been caught and she's not getting away this time.
I don't want to walk out on Quinn and everything we have, though once all of this is over I can finally hold her and be at peace, that's if she ever forgives me for the stunt i'm about to pull.
Revenge has completely consumed my body from the outside within, making me seek the vengeance of all the people that have ever wronged me or the people I care about.
I want to rob them of everything just like they did to us, the truth is i'm not just doing this for myself or for Joel, i'm doing this for us, i'm doing this for me and Quinn.
We deserve closure, I deserve closure.
As I turn to open the door and lead myself out I stop, hearing a slight sigh behind me, I drop my head and turn around, only to be met with the eyes i'll long to see for until I make it back.
"Where are you going?" Quinn asks me, even though she knows, it still pains me to say it.
"I have to do this." I sigh, placing my backpack down and making my way towards her, us now being eye to eye in the living room of our home.
"Please don't let her be more important then this, then us." Quinn pleads, grabbing one of my hands as she looks up at me.
"I can't stop Quinn." I tell her, a sad look overtures her face as the words leave my mouth.
"Ellie, Tommy's just a grumpy old fuck who doesn't know what he's talking about, just come back to bed we'll talk about it in the morning." Quinn replies, I small chuckle escaping her lips almost like she doesn't believe what's about to happen.
"Im sorry." I choke out,
"Ellie..." She sighs, brining a hand up to cover her mouth as tears drop out of her blue eyes.
"I love you baby." I whisper, brining my hand up to caress her cheek,
"Then stay." She chokes out between cries, making it harder on me by the second.
"I can't." I sigh, placing a kiss on her lips before pulling away, backing up slowly as I see more tears streaming down the girls face that I love so deeply.
"What if I never see you again?" She chokes out once more, her breathes close together.
"I don't plan on dying babe." I whisper, the next words that flew out of her mouth shattered me like glass form the inside out,
"I told you Ellie, one strike, one fucking strike." She says in-between sobs, "If you walk out of that door you'll never see me again." She promise, "That's up to you Quinn, I love you." I whisperer the last part before walking out of our home, leaving Quinn along with it.
I know this trip is gonna be long, Hell I told Quinn I didn't plan on dying but I have no idea if that's true or not,
I feel horrible for leaving her, the guilt is already consuming my heart, all I wanted to do when I saw her crying was hold her and never let her go, but I can't do that when the tears are because of me.
I'm mourning for the home I have, not the one I live in but my real home.
Quinn.
I already long for the comfort of her, I long to be laying beside her in our bed, knowing she's safe because she's with me.
I promised I'd protect her from everything, that's why I didn't offer to bring her with me,
I'm protecting her from myself.
She doesn't need to see the things i'm going to do, she doesn't need to be put in any unnecessary danger and stress.
I want her to be safe and happy,
Rather she choses to wait for me or not, I just want her to be happy.
And if she doesn't wait for me it's her decision, but rather she's happy with me or someone else i'll continue to keep her safe, killing anyone or anything that gets in my way of that.
I figured leaving wouldn't hurt me this much, I didn't know how it was going to play out, Before I left I was under the impression I had something to keep me going, knowing I had Quinn to come home to.
But not I know i'll probably come back to an empty house, left with the ghostly memories of our past imprinted on the walls.
"If you walk out that door you'll never see me again."
Her words replay in my mind like a record on repeat, getting louder and louder as I try to drown them out.
I'm not sure what's above, but i'm praying to anything that Quinn stays safe, and stays in our home.
