Red Flag

Red Flag 1

 I should have given it a second thought when he told me he was polyamorous. I do not have a problem with polyamory, it's just something I am not comfortable with being a part of. Issues arose when we broke up for the second time. At the time, I still loved him, hell, I was lovestruck as he called it. So when he said that we could get back together, 6 days after we broke up, I had to be in a poly with him. He was dating three people at the time: the girl he cheated on me with that last Summer who I'll call Bebe, a girl I'll call Maggie, and the friend that helped destroy my relationship the day I dumped Jay: Kolt. Keep in mind, that I was desperate. My desperateness should have told me, "Hey, this is wrong, no", especially since before I joined the poly, Jay said that he was probably going to marry Bebe. He asked me if it was weird that even though he knew everything he knew about Bebe, he still wanted her. I was in the truck going home when he texted me that crap. 

 Maggie and Kolt left the poly so it was then just me, Jay, and Bebe in a forced open/poly relationship. I was stuck when I told Jay that I wasn't comfortable anymore and he said since he chose me the last time we broke up, and then asked if we could be cuddle buddies so no one knew. My desperate and clingy self at the time said never mind when I should have said goodbye. My abandonment issues peaked and just the mention of Bebe set my anxiety off. It got so bad that at night, I started thinking irrationally and my anxiety spiked. I should have just stayed away and this was my price to pay to be with someone who didn't care if I was comfortable with him being in a poly or not. March 17th, 2023, aka Saint Patrick's Day, he broke up with me since his mom found out he was dating two people and was forced to choose. He of course chose Bebe. I cried a lot that afternoon. I had told my sister, whom I'll call Delilah, to tell my grandmother and uncle that I dumped Jay. She asked me what happened and I told her. 

 Delilah told me that I didn't need him, words I heard when I told people how toxic the relationship was. Still, a day or so later, I got back with him for the third time after our third breakup, and yes, he was with Bebe. Though, during summer break she dumped him, which made me think two things: "Aww I'm sorry to hear" and, "ALL MINE NOW!!!". As much as I felt bad, I was euphoric to know I didn't have to share. In the time period from then, I had experimented a bit more with being in a poly. Hell, I dated my two best friends and him and stupidly said Jay could have another, but that didn't last long. I had dumped my friends, whom I call Derek and Randy (Hi Randy :3) for him because he was jealous that all my attention was on them. Red flag right there, ain't it? Still, he asked for another and said he wanted me to be comfortable with him in a poly or he'd leave me, the literal day before I broke up with him (I dumped him 9/28/2023, so a Thursday morning in the school cafeteria). 

For anyone who is poly and is dating a non-polyamorous partner: Keep your partner's feelings in mind when you think about wanting to be in a poly with them. It's basic human empathy and not rocket science, but disregarding their feelings will in fact make the relationship crumble. From personal experience, it isn't okay to see one person in the relationship upset or feel like they'll be replaced, it's just not healthy.