It's him

Closer

(This chapter may contain some sexual content)

It's 8:16pm now, and Carlos didn't show up yet, leaving me on my nerves, what if he didn't want to come anymore? He can anyway, he gave me a lot of time and I regret not talking to him earlier because I was just hesitant.

I sat on the chair right in front of the bed, patiently waiting, for everything that will happen after the conversation, that if he even showed up, but Carlos isn't that type, my over thinking is getting the best of me right now.

And there he is, after a minute of doubting his manners and actions the door knocks, I get up and go to open the door, to see Carlos wearing a black bomber jacket underneath it a tight black shirt, with an off white slim pants, with a pair of black Alexander Macqueen shoes. His hair being messy as always but he pushed the messiness back showing all of his face not hiding any detail. "Come on in!" I welcome him inside of my temporary apartment, he took off his shoes and put them next to the door, to not get the floor dirty, that's nice of him. He also took off his jacket, putting it on the edge of my bed.

"Let's sit on the balcony, of course if you want to!" I propose to Carlos, he nods at me and heads out, I go and grab two cups of water from the kitchen, putting in each some ice cubes.
I then went out, sitting on the chair facing Carlos, putting the two cups of cold water on the table.

A moment of silence took over but I had to break the silence.
"Carlos, before everything, I would like to thank you for waiting all of this time to come back and talk to me, I don't know if you dated anyone else during this whole time and I would never have minded because my memory wasn't it's best-" Carlos cut me off, putting his hand on the small table in front of us, taking my hand in his and rubbing my knuckles with his thumb.

"Cariño, the first month we had together was our last, and I will never regret it. I know that you didn't like me before when we were in Formula 2 or 3, I wasn't that good enough anyway and I don't know if you thought about it, but during that time, we never got to talk to each other, you always saw and talked to Max and everyone on the grid knew that you two had some kind of chemistry and it was the fan's favorite. And when I got the chance to talk to you because of the podiums we shared, I was on the ninth cloud. You felt the same towards me faster than I expected but I loved that time we got together. But things got bad after that."

I knew exactly what he was talking about, everyone should know what 'things got bad' means in our racing world. It was devastating, hearing Carlos saying those words, telling me how much he admired me from afar and I was stupid to not notice that. How could I be this blind? I had a crush on Max, I admit that. We shared some special things, he was my first kiss but that's when we were fourteen. I always liked him that time, but that crush faded away when I got in Formula 1, not because of boredom or something else but because Carlos grabbed my attention, I fell for him really hard and that's why I wasn't being the introvert I usually am when Carlos and I had those moments together, I was too madly in love with him to be myself. I was blinded.

After those two years, I knew that something was missing and wrong. But I never thought that it would be Carlos, I saw him a lot on Tv, and on my phone but my mind never told me that Carlos was the missing piece of me, and my heart.

"I admit that I had a crush on Max, but it faded away, Carlos. I saw you in a different way not just after that first podium we had which was the first time we said a word to the other but the moment we were announcing that we were joining Formula 1, I fell for you. I knew it was wrong but I loved having someone like you in my life and I still do because you're who I miss, not Max not anyone more than you, I'm sorry that none of us had this good ending back then, but if we gave it a chance we could definitely make this work out. And we can slowly recreate the memories that were lost. Like today, when you told me about the cabin that I had no clue that I've been there with you before, that was a shock to me... And to be honest, a part of me wanted to move on and forget about you when I remembered our times together, but another part of me wanted me to remember you and how happy you made me at one point, and I just can't forget you, I would give 'us' a chance."