YOURS INSANELY

Chapter 45

Song: 'Close' by Nick Jonas FT. Tove lo

Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn
I'm so perplexed
With just one breath, I'm locked in
Oh damn, oh damn, oh damn
I'm so perplexed
On that, it's almost shocking
I know, I know you know you're scared
Your heart, your mind, your soul, your body
They won't, they won't, they won't be careful
But I guess that you don't know me
Cause if I want you, and I want you, babe
Ain't going backwards, won't ask for space
Cause space is just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get too...
Close, ooh
Oh, so close, ooh
I want you close, ooh
Cause space is just a word made up by someone who's afraid to get close, ooh
Oh, so close, ooh
I want you close, ooh
Oh, I want you close, and close ain't close enough, no
................................................................

ELIJAH’S POV

“What happened to your face?” dad asked.

We were leaving earlier than expected.

After the situation we had in the kitchen, it wasn’t wise to stay longer.

I do realize that what I said was wrong and way out of line. I shouldn’t have said that.

In the heat of the moment, my anger over the situation got the better of me.

This time she wasn’t the real culprit, at least directly.

But what’s bothering me more are the tears that came out of her eyes.

I’ve never seen her cry.

I made her cry.

But I’m not liking the sight of it.

Why?

Isn’t this what I wanted?

To hurt her, break her. Make her cry.

It’s what I wanted to achieve all along.

I should be happy but it’s disturbing me.

I’ve never seen her so dejected as she did this time at my words.

Mom was so disappointed in me but it’s the pain in her eyes that’s laying heavy on me.

“Oh, nothing, something got in my eyes so I had to wash up my face.” she fake smiled that didn’t reach her eyes. Dad looked at her with concern and then at me.

“We would’ve loved it if you stayed the night, Hannah,” Mom held her hands, “but I won’t force you.” Mom hugged her and whispered ‘sorry’ once again.

“Not today, Heather, some other time. Please,” her hazel green orbs filled with an unsaid plea.

“Hannah,” Mom called her up as we were about to leave.

“I don’t know if it’s the right time to say this or not but if you’d like you can call me Mom,” her eyes were filled with warmth and love, “It’s okay if you don’t, I under…”

“I’d love that…” she cut her off and hugged her, “Mom,” the word came out as a whisper.

It’s the first time I’ve seen her beautiful eyes shine like that, with gratitude and love. Like finding a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle.

Wait, beautiful did you say?

My mom is the most loving person in this family, holding us all together. Only she can deal with our tantrums, including Dad’s, and get everyone around the table. This is why even after moving out none of us has ever refused to her invitations, well until today but then again here I am.

Everyone likes her and she is nice to everyone but she chooses her people very carefully, so for her to like someone this much on the first interaction is astounding.

Especially her.

I mean, what’s in her to like?

Average looks, average personality.

Above all how mom can’t see past her deception? She can read people like a book.

How she can also be blinded by her. And to accommodate how she will feel to the extent of rearranging my room knowing damn well what it means to me is still beyond me.

She never did this in the past and now she thinks it’s okay to do so because of her.

Why is everyone so spellbound by her to see no wrong?

Why are you not spellbound by her?   

Because I know that she’s an opportunist, I answered my own sub-conscience. 

Not waiting for me she walked ahead this time as I said my goodbyes. I think everyone noticed the difference between when we arrived and how we were leaving, we didn’t say anything out loud but the awkwardness was in the air.

And the car ride we were about to share won’t be any less different.

Just as our car left the gates of my parents' house she closed her eyes pretending to be asleep. I say pretend because no one can fall asleep that fast, I know she’s avoiding the situation.

And it’s not settling right with me.

Throughout the ride my eyes kept diverting in her direction but not once did she open her eyes.

Her face was now devoid of the little makeup she had on before, nonetheless, her face was glowing, the more I looked at her the more my eyes refused to look away. I could’ve said that she looked at peace if it wasn’t for the hurt that was still visible on her face.

Once again I felt a tug of guilt. Why? It’s frustrating to me that my thoughts are occupied by her.

After a drive of 35 minutes, we finally entered the gates of our home.

Our home?

Before parking the car in front of a door I hesitated about how to tell her we have reached. What if she’s actually fallen asleep? And if not then does she know that we have reached as she never opened her eyes all the while?

Nonetheless, I have to let her know, we can’t be sitting here all night.

“Ahm,” I cleared my throat as I parked the car, “we’v…” Before I could speak further she got out of the car, slammed the door shut, and ran inside the house. Not once did she look at me.

I sat still as I looked at the closed door and thought.

Did I go too far with this?