Grief in the Stereo| Dazai X Male Reader

004; Nobody's Home

🎧 Song of the chapter 🎧
Lights are on - Tom Rosenthal
'Lights are on,'
'But nobody's home,'

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Angst time ;)

Trigger Warning ⚠️: depictions of gore, suicide and self harm, mature themes, you have been warned.

Third person POV;
Y/N slouched on the ground grasping at his chest. Osamu had gone home and Y/N was left all alone. He felt as if crying. He was a weak piece of shit. That was all he knew.

Your POV;
My eyes were squeezed shut, I dare not breathe heavily, I was having a ptsd episode, I felt sweat drip down my forehead. My family, they stood around me, as ghosts, showing how I had killed them, every scratch, stab, cut and scar was there. All I could hear was them yelling at me.
'You're too young to understand how to do that!!'
'Why the fuck would you stab them??'
'Go to the doctor you fucking psycho.'

'I didn't mean to..' was all I could mutter. I could hear my phone ringing, but it was too far away. Noone could help me from my own fate. To die alone. I stood up and headed towards my phone. I left everyone a message.

'Dear Atsushi, I hope this message finds you well, I won't be arriving at work tomorrow as I feel ill, please do not come for me as I will be sleeping, love, Y/N'

'Dear Kyouka, thank you for being so brave in your time in the mafia, I appreciate you, please for the love of me, do not come to my apartment tomorrow as I am a bit under the weather, love, Y/N'

'Dear Juni and Naomi, I just wanted to let you know, I'm feeling a bit ill and just know I won't be coming to work tomorrow, please do not come to my apartment. Love, Y/N'

'Ranpo, I'm not coming in tomorrow don't come for me.'

'Dear Kunikida, I will be exempt from work tomorrow as I am feeling ill, please let the president know. -Y/N'

'Akiko, I'm not coming to work tommorow, I'm alright, just dont come over as I feel ill.' (Akiko is yosano btw)

'Osamu, I'm so so sorry, we can't hang out tonight. I'm busy and sickly, please do not show up. And I love you ♡'

I felt myself tear up but I dismissed it, I headed to my bathroom got a long roll of bandages and headed to an abandoned building near my apartment. I piled up my addon belongings neatly, I left my bandages on, but everything else was left on the floor, my sweater, scarf, shoes, bag and personal belongings, I grabbed the roll and found an overhead support beam. I threw the roll over it, tying it and stepping onto a box I had brought. I tied the bandage around my neck and kicked the box. Now all that was left was to wait for death to swallow me whole.

Dazai POV;
My phone chimed. A message from Y/N.

'Osamu, I'm so so sorry, we can't hang out tonight. I'm busy and sickly, please do not show up. And I love you ♡'

I thought for a moment before replying.

'It's alright, I was just planning to go drink anyway, have a good night and rest well, I love you too.'

My phone chimed again. An unknown number.

'Mackerel. Where's Y/N? He's not in his apartment.'

That was strange.

'Chuuya? What do you mean he's not in his apartment, he said he was sick? He should be there.'

Chuuya texts back, but it's not a text, it's a photo, of a note.

'Dear whoever finds this, I'm sorry. I can't help it anymore, I feel so empty and depressed. The anti depressants don't work anymore, and I don't know how to reach out to anyone about it. So I'm not present in my apartment. I've gone to die. I'm a failure, and I'm so sorry that the agency ever had to deal with me, all I do is lash out with my ability.

I don't get what the agency ever saw in me. I don't get what Osamu saw in me.

If Osamu is reading this I have to tell you something.

I love you so much, I care about you, just because of me, don't go throwing yourself in a river, live a good life, for me. If you die I die, remember? I wish we could've held hands one more time, kissed once and so much more, but I cannot hold my feelings back anymore.

When I die, I wanted you to know that, I didn't die in pain or agony. I died happy.

Goodbye everyone,

P.s I only know one thing, my cause of death would be by hanging.
Love, Y/N'

I felt myself cry. Y/N can't have gone far, it was ten minutes ago he texted me.

I ran for his apartment complex and turned. He'd be at the buildings nearby wouldn't he? Maybe an abandoned one?

A lightbulb flicked on inside my head. The abandoned car lot we always went to. I ran towards it and sure enough. There it was. The car lot took a lot of effort to scale and by then, I had been traveling for twenty minutes, he would've been gone by now. So what drove me on? I ran faster.

At the top of the car lot, there he was, in his beauty, Y/N. He may have been dead for all I knew, I ran over and undid the bandages that wrapped evily around his neck, allowing him to fall safely into my arms. I checked his pulse. Nothing. I cried some more, praying that by a miracle he was alive.

I cried the whole way to Yosano's Apartment. I knocked on the door and she took the limp Y/N into her arms. She cried too. I stood and waited, Yosano cried after every attempt she did to bring him back. On her twelfth attempt Y/N's pulse was feint. She tried a thirteenth time, his breathing increased. Everything was returning to normal for him. I was told to bring him back with me and look after him, he'd have a daily checkup according to Yosano.

A/N
Pookies I'm not good at Angst 🤦‍♂️, forgive me. Don't go rambling on in the comments or venting please. If you need to reach out to someone, there are ways to do so. I am not mentally stable enough to listen. I am so sorry.

On another note, I will put out a playlist at the end of the book containing all the songs.

Love yous <3