because i liked a boy • fred weasley

Chapter 8 - Monday, September 23rd

Today is the 6th anniversary of the death of my mother, Pandora.

I never go to class on this day – all of the professors know why, and I've never been persecuted for missing out. The entire universe seems to have felt the darkness of this day because rain is pouring down, pattering against my window.

"Incendio," I mutter as I flick my wand towards a candle that smells like bonfire and apple. It smells just like her.

My eyes are trained on the flame as it flickers. I'm going to need a new candle soon, this one is almost gone. Gone.

The tears streaming from my eyes don't stop, and my breath seems to be caught in my throat. A sob wracks my body.

She's gone.

Talia left a couple of hours ago for class, and I'm not expecting her back any time soon. Because she's been here since it happened, Talia knows that I want nothing more than to be alone. Talking has only made it worse.

I'm broken away from my own thoughts when Della stands up.

"Go," I whisper. She needs food. The kitchen has food for all students pets, and Della knows to go there when I'm like this. She's a brilliant cat.

I spend the entire day, up until 9pm, rotating between sobbing and sleeping. I'm lucky when I can find myself drifting off. But every time I feel at peace, I'm awoken by the memory of that day. That moment. My mistake.

The last nap was cut short when Talia tried to quietly slip in, probably to get a couple of things before staying the night with Nathan. She doesn't say anything to me, and I keep my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep.

Once she's in the bathroom behind the shut door, I stand up. I throw my hair into a bun, grab my wand and a pack of cigarettes. I rush out of the door before Talia is done in the bathroom.

I make my way down the hall and to the stairs of the Astronomy Tower. Once I get to the top of the stairs, I cast Alohomora to unlock the bolted door. Whenever I find myself in this state, anniversary of Pandora's passing or not, I like to come to the Astronomy Tower to smoke. Nobody comes up here after dark.

I shut the door behind me and walk over to the huge window across from the stairs. It's less of a window, more of an open wall. The ledge has to be big enough to sit a telescope on safely, so sitting on it isn't as scary as it seems at first.

I climb up and sit down, letting the rain mist my face as I lean on the side with my legs dangling. I pull a cigarette out and light it, taking in as much smoke in my lungs as possible.

The fact that it has been 6 years is unfathomable. I have had to continue on living 6 years without my mother. 6 years that I took away from her.

I bring my knee up to my chest and rest my chin on top. I don't deserve these 6 years. How is it fair that I'm here and she's not?

I hover the lit cigarette next to the inside of my ankle. A bad habit I picked up on soon after the death of Pandora. Closing my eyes hard, I let the burning end hit my skin for a second, my head feeling lighter as my body takes on the pain.

The door slams from behind me, startling me and making me drop my leg back down on the ledge. I shift my body so I can see who is walking in.

I can just make out the silhouette of a Weasley boy, but his back is towards me, so I couldn't decide which it was until the hand that wasn't running though his hair repeatedly came into view, revealing a lit cig.

Cursing myself for not locking the door behind me, I almost smack myself for thinking that because whether I locked it or not, Fred probably knows a charm we learned in year one.

I wipe the salty water off of my face before he can see it, but it comes to my attention that he hasn't noticed me here yet.

Refusing to be the one to leave my special place, I turn around and watch the rain as it falls.

"Hello?" Fred utters out. I don't turn around. "Ellie? What are you doing here?" Fred questions once he's right behind me.

"Watching the rain." I'm not sure I said it loud enough for him to even comprehend a word.

"Are you crying?"

I groan and cover my face with my hands. "No, it's the rain."

"Ellie," Fred lowers himself so he's sitting next to me, but his legs stay inside of the window. "What's wrong? You've been acting odd recently."

I know that I'm not going to get away with sitting here without saying something to him, but I'm really not in the mood to talk about this with anyone else.

"Listen, Fred," I face him, drying a tear with my sleeve. "Maybe I will confide in you one day, but I cannot do this right now, so please do not make me. You can sit here with me, but please, please do not ask me what is wrong, or if I'm okay. I'm not right now."

My words leave him dumbfounded. He doesn't say anything else. I look up and see the rainclouds heading North, revealing the stars that were hidden behind them.

My mother and I used to spend nights sitting outside watching the stars. That reminds me of when Fred revealed that he used to do the same.

"Did you ever learn about moons?" I ask Fred.

"Moons?" Fred looks at me curiously. "You mean our moon?"

I shake my head, "No, not ours."

Without looking up again, I pass Fred the cigarette in my hand. A new one, not the one I used as my personal poison before he was here. He mutters a thanks to me.

"There's a moon called Pandora," I begin to share why I asked him about moons in the first place. "It's one of Saturn's moons. It's made of ice. My mum would always say that it was created in honor of her, but Mum was anything but cold. She couldn't be more unlike that moon even if she tried."

We sat there for a few moments, my words staying there in the air. I felt my chest get heavy again, and the weeps escaped me. Fred let me cry without asking if I was okay.

I left without saying another word.