Gold Fever (m×m) ✔

VII: It all started with a gay uncle

《 ELIAN PHOENIX 》

I woke up to Rio's terrified scream. 

They were sleeping in the tent with me on the other side of Rain, who bolted up as fast as I did. A second ago, I had been fast asleep and now I was wide awake, my heart hammering. I shook Rio's shoulder, trying to wake them up, but it turned out to be the wrong thing to do. They moved so swiftly I had no time to dodge the reflexive punch they landed square to my jaw.

"What's wrong?" Najwa asked breathlessly, ducking her head in the tent and staring at Rio with eyes wide like saucers. Before she could scramble into the tent, Rio slumped into Rain's awaiting arms. They were still shaking, clutching Rain's shirt in their fists as they held on for their dear life. I sat back to give them room, as I cradled my throbbing jaw.

It was no new occurrence, which just went to say that life hadn't been kind to any of us. We all have things we refuse to talk about. For Rain, it's his accident. For Najwa, all the secrets of her past life that brought us two together. But about Rio, I know next to nothing. I have only a vague idea of what might have happened to them before they joined our group.

One day they just appeared into our lives, with eyes that darted around and a body that flinched over the tiniest of noises. We didn't make them talk, knowing that they too have things they refuse to voice. Besides, some things are better to leave unsaid until they're ready to come forth.

"I'll take the next watch." I offered, wanting to give them some privacy even if it stung to be reminded how I was and would forever be the fourth third wheel of our group. It was our second night in Pisgah National forest, as we had spent the day gathering our strength and practicing self defense. I knew I couldn't sleep any longer anyway, my body buzzing with adrenaline after being startled awake.

"Thanks, Phoenix, you're the best." Rain said and continued combing his fingers through Rio's hair. Najwa, who had wrapped her arms around Rio as well, smiled at me gratefully. With one last look, I scrambled out into the chilly, damp night.

I thanked the universe for giving me a headlamp and a book to read, as I was done listening to Miley Cyrus. One of the books I had chosen at random from that bookstore was Stephen King's IT, a heavy tome with a topic, that was probably not ideal to read alone in the dark of the night. Either way, there was this paragraph about friends, and it, unsurprisingly, made me think about my friends.

For once my thoughts were somewhat mellow, and I didn't feel tempted to silence them. Most of my memories with my friends were happy ones, because with them I was the best version of myself, and not the gloomy, quick-tempered man-child I was at home. With my friends I laughed, made jokes and maybe sometimes went a tad overboard with my ideas, but for some reason they respected me.

The Queers of Chaos was just one of those ideas. I remember sitting in the living room flash bedroom of my then on-and-off boyfriend Levi. I was lounging on his couch, sharing a bottle of some fucking awful red wine with him. Straight from the bottle, because all the glasses and mugs were dirty and we didn't feel like washing them.

But in order to go on from there, we have to go further back, all the way to my childhood. You see, it all started with a gay uncle and a copy of Into The Wild, the one I just parted ways with. Uncle Timothy, or Tim, was always my favorite, and not just because he was gay and made me feel like I wasn't the odd one out in the big family dinners mom used to love to make us suffer through. 

The 12-year-old little me soaked up that book like someone who just had an epiphany reads the Bible. I was entranced and endlessly impressed by the idea of a young man, who left behind his cozy, rich life to live in the wilderness. For the first time I realized how amazing Mother Earth is, and that everything, even the Republicans, on it should be appreciated and never taken for granted.