Gold Fever (m×m) ✔

XIV: The accident

《 ELIAN PHOENIX 》

I tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in, but the hard floor made it impossible. Once I gave up on sleep, I laid there for a good long while, staring at my sleeping friends like the creep that I am. Rain had his arm around Najwa to keep her from rolling off the couch, while Rio was curled up on their side in between me and the couch. I liked to picture them like that, unburdened and oblivious to their troubles.

I wish I could have said the same about me, but my body was so wired it could only offer me short naps and then my racing thoughts filled the caps with a sprinkle of existential dread. You can go on with little food for some time, but sleepless nights have a tendency to catch up with you sooner rather than later. But then again, try telling that to my brain.

We had trekked to yet another abandoned house on our way back to what I assumed to be home. Najwa still hadn't spoken a word to me since we found Birdy, so I could only guess what was going on in her mind. Whatever it was, though, I doubt it was anything good. She was starting to look worse than me, with her puffy eyes and smudged up eye-liner.

This house didn't have a golden family playing tag in its front yard, nor did it have a porch to sit on, so I took my Hello Kitty CD player and settled into the kitchen. I was currently listening to Sinead O'Connor, the record I had planned on giving to Najwa. I was fairly certain that if I gave it to her now, she was going to crack it in two and stomp on the halves.

I was yearning for my Walkman, and I found that the anger I harbored for the stranger who broke it made me feel better. If I let that fury burn in my chest, it was damn nearly enough to outdo the guilt that was trying to drown me every waking second. 

It was tearing me apart that Najwa couldn't even look at me, and that I was the reason she neglected eating and taking care of herself. When thinking about that got too much, I could also focus on the vexation I felt for Rain, who was pissed off at me and taking it out on Rio who had done absolutely nothing wrong.

Anger was better than guilt, fury more bearable than shame and vexation light-years better than feeling hurt. Rain was my best friend since day one, and now he was taking Najwa's side over mine. Yes, I had done something so horrible that I couldn't exactly blame him for his anger and disappointment, but it still stung.

I took a deep breath and searched for a red string that could connect me to my magic, something that would make it all make sense or just give me something to work on. The song slowed, giving out this sort of a static buzz, and speeded up when I focused my magic onto the music. I could warp the sound, and even shuffle the songs by just thinking about it, which was just bloody amazing. 

Instead of curing people from their golden state or bringing back money, I could keep batteries full, brew coffee, and put songs on shuffle. Sure, I could also make lights flicker and billboards explode, but I couldn't do anything that would actually do us any good. Oh, and every time I used my magic, I got one hell of a headache and burned more calories than any weight loss program could ever dream of doing. 

"..ing." Was all I caught from Rain's sentence, as I noticed him talking to me over the music. I unplugged my earphones and asked him to repeat what he had said. His tone was flat and his face unreadable, but at least he was talking to me, as he remarked: "I said, your nose is bleeding."

"Huh?" I wiped at my nose with the back of my hand, surprised to see it coming back smeared with blood. Rain handed me a tuft of paper, then turned around to examine our food supplies.

As I watched the set of his shoulders, my mind wandered back to his accident and how it changed everything. For him, obviously, as he had to say goodbye to his climbing career and learn new ways to keep up with his athletic lifestyle, but also between the two of us.