Forever Captive

Chapter 19

"Aska?" I call out gently with a soft frown.

I didn't even hear him come back, and neither did the animals. His eyes are glowing green and I vaguely notice a reasonably sized rabbit in his claws, though it's missing its head. That didn't take him long at all. There must be somewhere a little more dry in that direction. 

"I am unsure as to how to cook it." He hisses softly as he approaches me, "But... I was successful."

"Welcome back." I reply gently, deciding to put the fact that he scared the small creatures away from me behind me. If he was worried about me, it's fine. "I appreciate it. I'll cook it once I can move around a little better."

I frown when he hisses in his own language, but he dips forward and presses his forehead to mine before pulling away, "Show me. I want to help. Do not worry about food. I will learn."

Oh, for fuck's sake. I'm not that incompetent.

"Aska, please." I start as I gently hold the arm he carries the rabbit with, "You said you see me as your equal, right? I can teach you, and I'll show you how to light a fire, but I won't let you do everything. There is already... next to nothing that I can actually do to help you. If you see me as an equal, then let me at least take care of myself."

His eyes turn into a rainbow of colors before they settle to a light, nearly white shade of indigo. His tongue flicks out to my cheek before he lets out a soft breath, "You are strong. Do you not see your position, Victor? I am not so blind that I do not see... Your injuries were caused by a desire to keep me safe. Even the one I watched you inflict on yourself— even as you left— that was not simply to return home. When you spoke of that home, I could smell and see the pain. You have done more for me than food can replace. You begged me not to face a threat I was unaware of, and because I did not listen... you were harmed."

I... have been completely see-through to him, haven't I? Damn nagas and their ability to smell emotions, apparently. Maybe that's what his tongue is used for with me. Maybe that's what he... licks me so often for. He just wants to know how I'm feeling, since my eyes don't change like his?

He gently presses his body against mine as he continues, "I do not wish to upset you. I might have misled you, though. It is true that we nagas... mate with equals, but it would be prideful of me to say we are. I would like to say that we are, but I would not have survived if you were like the men you came with. I wish to repay your kindness. Allow me to care for you, please. I am not your equal, though I am pleased that you see me as such. None are equal to you, not in... kindness, strength, or thought."

"You continue to surprise me, you know." I sigh as I let my hand slip off of his arm, "You are the first... to consider me as anything but a monster, let alone continue to treat me as... anything important."

I swallow thickly when he lets out a fairly dissatisfied hiss, but I continue, "Aska, I don't know what to do with myself. What you see as limitless strength is a burden that I have been used for for, quite literally, every second that I've been like this. I'm not your equal, no. I haven't seen you as somebody I could actually have any edge above— immortality be damned. I am not invulnerable. I'm tired of pain, but... I won't take advantage of the first time somebody's seen that. I will not be placed on a pedestal, not if you... really care about me. We share the burdens equally, or we share nothing at all."

It's immediately clear to me that I've used words he doesn't know, yet he doesn't ask about them. Instead, he wraps his arms around me and draws me close enough to his chest that I can hardly breathe, pushing his tail under my still limp legs to hold me while he drops the dead rabbit. His heart is beating a little faster than I remember it normally beating. It almost matches mine, if mine wasn't going a mile a minute by this new position.

"I am fortunate in many ways." He finally hisses softly as his tongue continues to drape along my neck, "No demands or wishes you have could be burdens, but I will do as you ask."

I can't see his eyes, but the soft vibrations in his chest tell me all I need to know. He thinks I'm worth something to him. Even... even if I end up proving him wrong, I don't think he could find it in himself to resent me. I can't exactly put a name to this new emotion, but I find myself wrapping my arms around his chest as I feel the warm streaks of tears fall down my cheeks.

If this is what love is, I can see why so many books and movies are about it. Maybe it's just genuine joy, or feeling like I can belong somewhere. I don't know. I don't know if I'll ever learn that, either.

Either way, I think I'm content with that. He makes me feel like I have a reason to live with all of the pain I have and likely will always have to feel. He has since he kept me in his den, even if the reasoning then was slightly different.

I'm only vaguely aware of the crippling pain in my back until it is gone completely and the sun peeks from behind the trees, bathing us in the rich red light of the sunrise. It's cloudier than it was when I looked towards the sky, and they're dark with water. Maybe it'll rain, soon.

I finally push myself away from Aska's chest when he tilts his head and smile, "Come on, let's go back to that camp. I need a handful of things, and then I'll show you how to light a fire."

I need one of those magnesium spark sticks, and I should find a handful of knives on the soldiers' bodies. Those will be handy for a multitude of reasons, since I can't exactly rip a rabbit's head off of its body with my mouth. 

He stares at me before jerking his head back to the water behind me, and I begrudgingly drink from the beautifully clear blue that he's brought me to. 

I stand up shakily after I deem that I've drank all I could before it returns from whence it came and pick the cooling animal's corpse up with a soft smile when Aska starts to move away. His eyes are that deep indigo again. I wonder if it will be a lot more common to see it than any other color. Maybe blue, too. 

Either way, walking through the swamp with him by my side is peaceful, even after his fussing about the deepest part requiring that I either swim or let him carry me. I chose to swim. It's been a long time since I've swum, and I need to start building back my reliance on my once-lame foot. The swamp is also humid, however, as the sun only climbs higher in the sky. 

When we make it to the familiar coast, I am honestly relieved to be soaked and better hydrated from the times I dipped my head under the water in a bid to see the occasional animal that would try to run from Aska and bump into me.

The rest of the day is peaceful and quiet, broken occasionally by my explanations of what I'm doing and why I'm doing it as Aska remains completely out of his element, quietly watching me in what I now realize is a mixture of amusement and amazement. 

This is freedom. This is sweet. I think I could talk to him for the rest of my life and never get bored. To think it only took his admittance of his intention for me to realize that this is what I sought all along.