His beautiful girl

dix-sept

"Charles, please let's talk about this." I say worried when he takes his jacket and walks to me to go to the door. 'I have to go, Emily, Andrea is waiting for me.' 

Him saying my name fully makes me shiver... He does not call me Em or beautiful like last night and I feel hurt, it's my own fault but I just feel hurt. 'Please Charles let's talk about this, don't leave like this please.' I take Charles his hand and he looks at me. 

He looks like he wants to cry and I want to cry too because I'm the one who makes him cry. Charles puts my hand away and opens the door. 'We will talk, but not now. I really have to go.' I only look at him when his back is to me. 

He steps into the hallway but then stands still for a while. Something in me hopes he will turn around and listen to me but he just walks away and I don't follow him. I feel hurt like he just slapped me in my face while I hurt him. 

I close my door and just look at it. I don't know what to do, I fucked up and I fucked up bad. 'I'm sorry Charles.' I say when I look at the door knowing he can't hear me.

_______________________________

I really needed to talk to someone so I went to Lando his apartment. Normally I would go to Isa but she had a job in Mexico for 2 weeks and left a few days ago. 

When I was at Lando's apartment I felt like crying and not stopping but I held back the tears. I ring the bell 3 times before the door opens. Lando has only his underwear on and his hair looks messy. 'Ow, it's you.' He says he was expecting someone else. 

'I really need your help, Lando.' I say while I let a tear fall. Lando does not ask questions and let me in. 'Let me put something on okay.' I nod and when I enter the living room I see Carlos sitting with his hair messy and putting on his pants and T-shirt.

'Ow- Shit did I interrupt something, I can leave. Did not see something I swear.' Before I could move or Carlos could say something Lando came back with a T-shirt and pants on. 'No fucking way, Em. I see there is something wrong.' Carlos gives me a small smile and I go sit in front of them before the TV. 

'What's wrong?' Lando asks when he holds Carlos his hand. It looks cute actually, if I did not have my shit I would jump for them and be so happy for him but the only thing I could think about was Charles. How I hurt him, and how he looked at me. I did not know him for that long but he felt like someone I knew for years. 

'I fucked up.' I look at Lando and then at Carlos. 'What do you mean, you fucked up what exactly?' Carlos asks. Normally Carlos does not talk a lot to me but I think Lando has a little influence on that, and he would talk to me more. I did not hate that Carlos was there with Lando but it felt a bit strange. I did not really know him like Lando or Charles or Alex. I just kept talking and I told them everything. 

I started from the date with Alex bringing me home the night we were all on the boat. And ended with this morning. They did not look judgmental when I was talking and when I finished they did not either. This is something I love about the people here, they don't judge and they don't ask questions when you feel like shit and want to cry. 'So, tell me? On a scale of 1 to 10. How hard did I fuck up?' 

'Honestly, a 7 I think.' Carlos says dryly. I would have given him a little smile for his sarcasm but the only thing I could think about was Charles his face. Lando gives Carlos an annoyed look but then looks at me again. 'You know, I think you should give him a bit of time.' Carlos says. 

I don't think I heard Carlos talk so much to me while Lando is the quiet one now. 'I know Charles, he is hurt now. He will come around and want to talk to you eventually.' I nod when Carlos is speaking. 'But also I think you should be honest white Alex. It will be hard to say it and he will maybe be really mad at you. But there's nothing more you can do.' Lando says. 

'You should just be honest with Alex and let Charles come to you. He will maybe not talk to you for a while because next week it's race week but will see.' 'Should I text Charles that I understand and will give him space?' I ask. Carlos shakes his head, 'No, just leave him be.' 'What if I see him in the apartment complex or anywhere in Monaco?' 'Just give him a smile and you will see for yourself if he is ready or not. But I don't think you will see him because next week it's race week so we have to leave for Belgium.' 

I nod. 'Thanks for listening guys.' 'It's okay, we are always here for you.' I smile and walk to them. I give them a big hug and Lando hugs me back. I feel Carlos is not that comfortable but he tries. I stand up and look at them. 'So you stayed the night?' I ask Carlos. 'EMILY.' Lando screams. I laugh a bit but still feel like shit. 

I think if I did not feel bad I would have asked a lot of questions like a best friend would do but I was wrapped up in my one shit. But I'm happy for them, I really am. 

And I really am scared to talk to Alex about this. He is such a nice person and I hate to do this. But a little voice in me tells me it's my own fault and his right. It's my own fault and I have to tell him.