spiderman angst/sickfic oneshots

"I see the danger it's written there in your eyes" (big brother bucky)

Alt: cattle prod (idk what this means), shock, "you in there?"

Peter receives the bucky treatment and in his recovery experiences traumatic dissociation

Big brother bucky 🥰🥰

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Peter was changed, and not for the better. Hydra had kidnapped him, and he had changed. His mind has changed, his body had changed, and then he'd been rescued, same as Bucky had been.

And he couldn't sleep at night.

No matter how hard he tried, he woke up tangled in his sheets, sweaty, nauseous, and terrified. All he would see was blood. The blood of the people he had murdered with his own two hands. He would scream with his eyes shut tight, his knees tucked to his chest, and his hands on his shaking head until someone came for him. He couldn't help it. It was terrifying.

He felt insurmountable guilt for keeping them awake, but was simultaneously so exhausted that nothing felt real. Somebody said something about dissociation at some point, but he couldn't really remember. His head was fuzzy. Most of the time he felt like he was living underwater.

Breathing it. Hearing it. His ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton balls, sound got through, but not much. Not enough to stick.

His vision was always hazy and splotchy and he didn't remember the majority of his days. Sometimes he would wake up and have no clue where he was, and unfortunately, Tony wasn't much help.

Not because he didn't try, but because the man's name (alongside countless other methods of torture) had been used to get him this way. Everytime he heard the name "Tony Stark" or "Iron Man" he got this jolt of fear that made him need to vomit. Even the man's voice caused his stomach to twist.

Add another item to the list of things to feel guilty for.

Tony quickly learned his presence was not helpful, and as much as it hurt, brought in other people to try to help.

Surprisingly, Bucky Barnes hit a spot with Peter. He was the only one who'd gone through it before. He was the only one who really understood. He was the only one who seemed to be able to handle Peter's panic attacks, nightmares, and dissociation with grace.

And then one day something new happened. Peter woke up, and something in his dream had triggered him. The other him. The words.

They were in his head, but he couldn't remember. He felt himself switching back and forth, between same and screaming and whatever Hydra had turned him into and silent. Bucky slowly had walked in his room and dimmed on the lights, "Pete?"

Peter was sitting up straight, hands curled up into fists, intently. He didn't answer. His eyes didn't flick from the wall in front of him.

Bucky felt uneasy. He knew Peter was trapped in there and began to form a plan to get him out, but then he came back on his own and was screaming once again.

He found Bucky with his teary eyes and quickly hopped out of bed, clinging to him for dear life, "Bucky, buck help me help-" he stuttered, "I can't c-control it." He sobbed.

Bucky, contrary to his nature, held the boy tight as he wailed in fear.

Just as soon as it had started, it stopped again and "Peter" slipped out of his arms, his eyes glinting with some unwritten emotion. Something that didn't belong on the boy's face. The same way the blood shouldn't have been there. The same way the tears shouldn't have been.

He suddenly threw a right hook, hitting Bucky square in the jaw.

The man was shocked for a moment, but his instinct kicked in. It didn't matter how strong Peter was. Hydra had Bucky for longer.

Soon enough Peter was trapped in a headlock, clawing to get out. It was useless against Bucky's metal arm. After a couple minutes of strain, he slowed, and then went limp.

Bucky stayed still for another minute or two, determining that it wasn't just an act, and layed the boy down on the ground, "Pete, hey. It's Bucky. You're in the avengers tower, in the complex. You're safe here." He said to the boy, sitting down next to him and patiently waiting for him to wake up.

A couple minutes later, he did wake up. And he woke up screaming again.

Immediately he fell into Bucky's arms, repeating, "don't let go. Don't let go. Don't let me hurt anyone else." He sobbed.

Bucky held him tight, "I'm right here, I'm right here."

"Promise to not let go. Don't- I'm sorry." He sobbed, "I'm scared. I'm scared." He wailed, burying his face into Bucky's shoulder as the man embraced him tightly, keeping him close and contained. Safe.

"It's okay, Pete. You're safe with me. You can't hurt anybody right now, okay?" Bucky reassured, "you can't hurt me, your punch didn't hurt at all, just surprised me, okay? I've got you. I swear I won't let you hurt anybody."

That promise was enough to make Peter relax a little bit more. His grip on the back of Bucky's shirt didn't stop, however.

They stayed like this for a while. Silent and still. Safe.

20 minutes later, Bucky's leg was asleep and Peter had relaxed in his arms. He was fairly certain the boy was asleep.

He shifted to put him back under the covers, but Peter's grip resurged and he tensed, "don't let go."

Bucky relaxed back, "I won't." He promised, holding Peter tight again. He hoped his arm wasn't uncomfortable for the boy. He hoped he was doing some good for somebody.

"Thank you, Bucky." Peter whispered, his voice hoarse from tears.

Bucky just nodded and held the boy tight, staying in place and keeping Peter safe, even if his leg was asleep for the rest of the night.

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Short and sweet
(And unedited, I barely reread this before publishing, just had the idea back on a whim of how to continue it and just wanted a bunch of mildly sad fluff + comfort moment bc I crave an older sibling to tell me that it'll be ok and someone to be strong for me sometimes. Anyways!)

Bucky and Peter is so fun to me who decided that dynamic?