Heartbeats Amid Fire

19 - Heartache

Alysa pov:

A soft sigh escaped my lips while I prodded at my food. I was listless, as I had been for the past week after Sir Rayner had kissed me. While his questioning and unexpected gesture had frightened me initially, the emotions that I had kept buried inside and had been trying very hard to get rid of had escaped without restraint. The affection I had developed for him over the time I had known him despite the moments of terror in between had burst out and progressed to the point where I couldn't suppress them anymore.

Merely thinking of the kiss and the way he had held me against his strong, broad frame made butterflies flutter ruthlessly inside my stomach.

Sighing deeply again, I shut my eyes and chewed on my bottom lip. I wanted to see Sir Rayner again. I wanted to talk to him, to ask him about the reason behind what he had done, but I had not caught sight of him for even a moment since then. It was almost as if he was avoiding me.

"If you're not going to eat, stop wasting time and get back to your chores," Sir Haver said, interrupting my brooding.

"I'm sorry. I was just a bit lost in thought," I mumbled, sparing him a glance before I proceeded to eat. I barely tasted what I ate even though I finished it without any trouble.

Having finished my meal, I headed to the kitchen to help with cleaning. There were a pile of soiled dished to be washed – it was a chore that took up most of my afternoon. When I was done with that, I had to clean the rooms of the knights – sweep, mop, and change bed sheets of a few. By the time I had finished the assigned chores, I was more than exhausted.

The stress had been building up in me, not just because of quite a bit of physical labor along with exhausting my mana at every opportunity since it was now known that I could make the Zeros stronger with every session of mana transfer, but because I had not been able to stop thinking about Sir Rayner. I was constantly wondering how I could meet him and what I would say when I met him. It was taking a toll on me, enough to make me feel the throb of a headache.

It was soon that I reached my room that was in the heart of the barracks shared by the Zeros. There were some who lived in small huts around the barracks, but they were mostly ones who had families. The Zeros of the barracks were all bachelors, and it was often uncomfortable being amid that threatening manas that they did not bother suppressing in the least.

After washing up, I took a seat on my bed. The mattress I had been provided with wasn't the most comfortable, but it wasn't lumpy. It ensured good enough sleep every night.

Exhaling deeply, I hit my shoulders with my fists in hopes of easing the strain in them. It helped, as did the light kneading I gave myself. A quick healing session would have rejuvenated me, but I was not allowed to use healing mana on myself. So, any physical strain or bruise I got from working or being punished for a small mistake had to heal on its own with me going through the painful stage.

"I'm tired," I mumbled and fell sideways on the bed with my eyes closed. I had almost drifted off when I heard a sharp knock on my door. Upon getting up and opening the door, I saw Sir Alden. "Sir Alden, is there something you needed?"

"The commander asked me to give this to you," he said flatly, holding out two letters to me. One was in an envelope that had been opened, while another was just a sheet of paper with some writing on it.

"Letters?" I spoke more to myself while taking them from Sir Alden. Then, sparing an awkward glance at him, I said, "Um, would you like to come in?"

With a chase nod, he stepped inside and took a seat on the rickety chair in the room with one leg over the other. I was even more awkward now, but I closed the door and took a seat on my bed to read the letters. The first one was from Arran, and elicited joy in me. It read,