A Boy by the Name of Theseus~a Transinnit sbi story~

Chapter six

Tws: sh, scars, flashbacks, talking about sh, contemplating suicide, panic attack, arguing
Tommy pov:
I sit perched in a tree not too far from the house, but far enough. I stare at the glass pane in my hands, running my finger softly over the edges. I made this glass pane, all on my own.

I've made progress all on my own before. It's gone now.

A stick breaks behind me. I flinch and drop the glass. The pane shatters on the sticks, roots, and stones below.

Nothing I do will ever matter. As soon as I make progress I lose it. Staying clean, making things, what I've fought for, everything I do.

Suddenly I hear loud explosions, the smell of gunpowder and smoke heavy in my lungs. I look at the ground; a pit, resources burning up. My progress gone, again. I can hear laughter, Dream's laughter, it sounds so clear.

"Tommy?" I hear an unknown voice say, it sounds like it's coming through water. "Tommy!" They say again, it's a little clearer this time. The laughter, the tnt, and the pit all start to become further away, though not gone.

Ranboo's face starts to appear before me. "Are you ok?" He asks, their voice is careful and soft.

I mess with the ends of my sleeves and nod. "You seemed really scared." They note. I nod again. "Why is that?" He asks. I shrug. My voice is stuck, I try to force out words but they won't come out, like they're trapped in my throat.

"Here," they hand me a glass pane, "since you dropped yours." My eyes go wide. I take the pane from him. "Thank you." I force out. They nod. "You give me things all the time and they make me happy, so it only seems right for me to give you something." He explains. I smile.

I hold out some purple dye. "I don't know if you like purple, but it suits you." The words feel like nails coming out of my throat as I say them. "Oh, thank you, Tommy." They say. They take the dye from my hand, but he pauses for a moment. "What happened to your arm?" They ask, sounding very concerned.

I shrug and pull my sleeve down.

"You don't know where they came from?" Ranboo asks. I put the glass pane in my bag. I shake my head, turning a bit to lean against the trunk of the tree. "I know where they came from."  I say. "Where did they come from?" He asks. I sigh. "They came from me. I made them. I-" I take a breath and continue, "I cut myself, Ranboo." I explain. They look shocked. "That doesn't make sense." He says. "I know."

They look sad.

Then it hits me.

I actually just told him.

I'm so fucking stupid.

I bash the back of my head on the tree trunk. "Tommy, what are you doing?" Ranboo asks sounding panicked. "Just go!" I shout.

I think I hear them leave, but I'm not sure.

I start to feel the urges, strong. I feel like I have to cut. But I don't want to. Even if I did, how would I?

I ball my hands into fists. I hit the sides of my knees with my fists. But it's not enough.

I remember the shattered glass on the ground.

It feels like I'm not even moving on my own as I jump down from the tree onto the ground. I stare at the shards of glass, gently moving my hand toward them.

My fingers gently curl around a piece of glass just smaller than my hand. The sharp edges press lightly into my skin. I push my sleeve out of the way and hold one of the edges over my wrist.

Attention seeker.

What?

They know you cut there. You have to do it somewhere else or they'll see it.