Girls Blossom Up Like Flowers

things always repeat again

"Zawadi" my mom called, the rage was rising in her voice as she spoke. I walked into the kitchen, knowing what's coming next. "Why did you make a mess in the kitchen?" I swallowed a lump in my throat as the tension rose, slowly by slowly i crept to the kitchen as a waited upon her impending wrath. There were two things that were pretty well known to me and my sister when we were growing up about our mother, don't talk to her on a bad day and don't do anything that would *make*  her have a bad day. In this case, we did the latter. Mom HATED it whenever we would do something out of line, especially after work when she's already worn out and tired of everything. I stepped into the kitchen glaring at the floor, waiting for the barrage of insults that would be hurled against me.

"Zawadi, honestly what is wrong with you?" she venomously spat "I come home from having a long day at work and you choose to do this *stupid* mistake. Did i suffer at work for you and your sister to have food on the table to do this? Go clean it up, right now, i have the world against me, i can't deal with my children doing the same." I immediately rushed off to clean up, I'm not the one who did it but I'm not really shocked i was blamed in the first place. My mom kind of always had a rocky relationship with me, despite me trying to constantly be the perfect daughter but it seems like there will always be something she dislikes about me. I've tried many times to make her love me the way she loves my sister, but it's never happened yet. I didn't even bother to try and explain to her what happened because i know she could hear but never listen. Once my mom said something, it was undisputed, set in stone, nothing under the bright shining sun could ever make her change her mind.

As my mom stormed upstairs my sister came up to me and started helping me clean. "Sorry she blew up at you, sometimes she acts up like that." She took the cloth out of my hand and began wiping as she gently pushed me away. "Subira, why do I have to constantly avoid making her and dad mad?" My sister suddenly turned towards me and stared towards me, i noticed a different look in her eyes, like a familiar sadness we shared, almost nostalgically like she was remembering something. She suddenly switched, back to how she was before, focusing extra hard on cleaning up the mess of tea mixed with sudsy water.

"You can go and sit down now, there's no need for you to worry about this right now" she seemed stuck on cleaning and briefly turned her face away back to drying up everything up. I went back to the living room and turned off the tv before carefully walking up the stairs. Making sure to not let my mom hear me crawling up to my room. I lay changed into my pajamas, then lay down on my bed and stared off into the ceiling and looked at my roof till the shapes up above all seemed the same to me as a lay there letting the moments drift away and the tiredness i bore on my back all day weigh me down as i shut my eyes. I began to let the day play before me like a movie on the big screens as i contemplated on how things went on.

School sucks like hell, my classmates are assholes, my middle school bully is back, my parents constantly take their anger out on me, and honestly only my sister and my friends make things any better. Seems like a regular day for me...