Girls Blossom Up Like Flowers

maybe it gets better?

"Maybe this time it will get better?" I thought to myself as i peeled open my eyes. My alarm was ringing, my beautiful sweet dreams were ruined, and it's time for another day at school. Its been a few weeks since i transferred to Lake City High, and honestly its just proven to be even worse than i thought. I feel like nothing ever changed, i still get the same insults and those "weird" sensations have gotten worse. Every day i cannot get up without a sinking foreboding feeling settling in my chest, i feel its burden weigh down on me everyday. I wake up with it filling up my lungs, suffocating me on the inside like my own little enemy. Slowly by slowly its become sickeningly clear that there's something much more wrong me, there must be a reason why nobody likes me. I mean, nobody else in the class really recieves that much negative attention, maybe my mom was right, maybe the call does come from inside the house.

My parents always loved to make a point that something went wrong with me, i was the problematic strange demon, while my sister got to be the much more redeemed angel. I don't really remember when it all started, but i know that it just happened. I feel like the world is crumbling on this crappy morning but i have to swallow all of it just to try and move on. After all the world isn't going to stop for me. I get up and suddenly a sickening feeling trickles to my stomach as i fight the urge to puke. I stagger downstairs and see my mom and sister eating breakfast, it appears that my dad already went off to work. I tremble down the stairs and greet them.

"Morning" i say, as i walk over to the breakfast table, i get a response of murmured tired grunts faintly sounding similar to speech. I settle down to eat my food and rush off to prepare for school. This has become routine, i wake up, i go to school, become everyone's favorite punching bag, go home, become my parents favorite punching bag then fall asleep in tears while i sink my nails into my skin seeking the comfort i know I'll never receive. I wordlessly went off to go prepare for school before my sister caught up with me.

"Zawadi recently somethings been up, is everything okay?" Subira inquired, studying my body language intently. I looked up to her and gave her a dull two word response "I'm fine." i continued to trudge forward and ignore her concern before pausing at the bus stop. I could tell she was worried about me but i tried my best to ignore it and move forward. Once i hopped on the bus, i sat with my friends and waited to go back to school. Once we landed there i just hopped off and got in, waiting for the usual.

"Yo Zawadi, you okay, Aubrey and Isabelle have been concerned about you for a while." Kyle whispered over to me  "anything you'd like to talk about? We really do care about you." I looked over, into his gentle blue eyes looking at me with a gentle kindness. I glanced away and muttered "I'm alright, just tired you know.".  He looked at me and sighed "Its fine, luckily we have midterm exams next week so we're leaving this shitty place for a week anyways." I mildly chuckled at his response before slightly panicking at what he said.

We have *exams*? In a week? I've barely studied so far and my mom is going to KILL me if i fail. I always thought maybe it could get better, but now I've realized it only seems to get worse...