Girls Blossom Up Like Flowers

Something strange is happening...

Exams have been running through my mind right now, i don't want to see the consequences of failing. I stared at my notebook as i began to tense up as needles began to prickle the back of my eyes. I looked over to the clock and realized its just a few minutes before math ends, I could hold it off till then, I could avoid letting myself crumble beneath the pressure. The bell rang, i could feel the tension break loose as i scrambled out of class. A familiar dizziness took over my body as i made rush to the nearest empty room. I felt like a zombie possessed by my own thoughts as i ran but it seemed like the ground beneath me moved faster. Shadows of reveling malicious beings enshrouded me as i finally made it into a messy dark room. 

Suddenly, the stinging tears slithered down my cheeks as i began to shudder. The air in my lungs began to escape; choking me in my own mind. Instantly, my perception became blurry as my thoughts were a torpedo in my head. My heard pounded like it was fighting its way out of my chest. The world began to spin faster and faster as i felt nausea bubble up my stomach. My God, i think im gonna die, i never knew it would be this way. My head begins to pound faster and faster as the ringing in my ears began to play louder and louder. Good Lord, please release me from this torture, don't let me suffer like this anymore.

It felt like i spent an eternity enwrapped in a caveat of my very own mind, time has never seemed to move so slowly. I was completely still, on the cold hard floor, not even moving a single inch. My only company was the wicked words that echoed all across my head like some kind of sickening symphony. Eventually, i emerged from the darkness, slowly making my way out like a wounded soldier limping from battle. The world stopped spinning, my heart stopped racing, my head stopped pounding but i was still nauseous. My eyes adjusted to the darkness as i realized i was all alone in the janitors closet. I stumbled out of there with my eyes adjusting to the light. I get up and hobble back to class wiping the tears off my eyes. I sink my nails into my skin hoping that the pain on my arm somehow makes the weight in my heart lighter. I go back to class squinting and bearing one thought in my mind.

"Go back to my desk"

Not surprisingly, I'm the only person in class. I notice my scissors laying on my desk innocently. I begin to sob as i pick them up and lightly sketch cuts on my leg. My skin goes pale for a second before rising with pricking crimson liquid. I continue, wincing at the pain yet satisfied at the hate I've shown myself. An insatiable bloodlust begins to rise while i continue, cut after cut after cut while my skin begins to sting. Eventually my leg baring the battle scars of my mind while my blood slowly trickles down onto my hands. I snap out of my trance; putting the scissors down and I realize what ive done. 

"Shit."

I think to myself while i begin to think about what happened, its almost like a demon took over me in an instant, because i refuse to believe it was me. I hop over to the bathroom to wash my leg and rinse off my blood. I go back to class and wipe down my scissors before tossing them into my bag. I lay my head down on my desk as everything becomes a blur, i decide to surrender myself to some sleep. I should just let all this blow over. I close my eyes and creep up into dream land, a much more forgiving place.