방탄 소년단
"That... gash," I muttered, my nose rumpled in disdain - and sympathy for the man - as I studied the newly developing scar on his right eye.
It was fresh, the skin that surrounded the vermilion wound was puffy and distended, as if it just hap...
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I sobbed all the way home.
I sobbed as I crawled back in through my window.
I sobbed as I got ready for bed.
And, I cried lachrymose tears during sleep.
Yet, I couldn't exactly figure out why I was crying.
Was it because what Yoongi said was true? Or was it because Yoongi so harshly delivered his words that I couldn't help myself from crying? He was always so brusque and curt, but never did his sardonic acts and words ever give me the potent urge to cry. Let alone in front of him when he could see me and the tears that my pupils swam in.
God, how humiliating. When he rolled his eyes at my hurt tears, how embarrassing.
I nearly cringed just thinking about it. How I cried like a frightened baby, Yoongi being the only adult present at that table.
I was likely just a child to him, a window that he saw as a scapegoat to this never-ending battle with that man he'd been searching for. That's all he wanted me for, my emotions and my life predicaments didn't matter to him.
This thought wouldn't have bothered me a few months ago— when Yoongi and I just met. So, why did it matter to me now?
Why did I suddenly care if Yoongi didn't care?
I knew exactly why, and I didn't have the capability in me to say it out loud. To admit that I was becoming attached to Yoongi. Somehow, through our many interactions — that involved us speaking more often than we had to — I was beginning to grow fond of him. To find an understanding ground with him.
Sure, I didn't know much about him, but I still managed to trust myself around him. I managed to trust him, even if he didn't trust me. I loathed how gullible and lenient I was, and how trusting I was, most of all.
Being so trusting and forgiving with people was foolish. Especially in the world I was in. Trusting people typically got bullets through them for letting their guard down and being vulnerable around the wrong group of people. I've seen it before, and I've heard it many times in passing. I tried reminding myself that I shouldn't trust others so easily no matter the words they spew that are inevitable lies.
And yet, I somehow forgot to do that with Yoongi. I forgot to completely detach myself, engaging in topics of conversation with him when I should have simply told him the things I needed to, then left his presence to save myself the miserable heartache when it would be time for us to part ways.
The worst thing about it all is I know all well that Yoongi shares absolutely no remorse for the things he said, and probably won't deign to apologize when I next see him.
That already managed to diminish my tenuous ambitions to continue this little alliance, or agreement forward. There was no way I was finding a way out of here, I was already set to marry Mikhail long before I was even made aware of it. There was no point in it any longer.
