it's you and me, that's my whole world<3

eat (Taylor's Version)

so this is like a sequel to the 'eat (y/n's version)' but I guess you figured that out yourself—
TW:
VERY ANGSTY.
ED references, suicide references.
——————————————————
It was the day after having opened up to momma about my eating disorder. I woke up with Taylor's arms snuggled around me, my face on her shoulder.

"Good morning, sleepyhead." whispered Taylor, her eyes remaining closed. She pressed a kiss to my cheek, then smiled softly.
"How are you doing, angel?" She whispered to me, gently, cupping my face and kissing me again.

I sighed softly. "unwell." I mumbled without thinking, then regretted it as it came from my lips.

"Well, it's breakfast time and I'll find you something small to eat, hm?" Taylor said convincingly and loving. She sat up, bring me up with her. She took my hand and lead me down the hallway to the kitchen.

"A bit of toast and some yoghurt?" Tay asked, leaning against the island in the kitchen.

I nodded, knowing how much of a struggle it would be to eat it. But it was better than having beans, eggs, bacon and sausages or something.

Taylor made a delicious two slices of toast cut into triangles, and a small pot of yoghurt sat on the side. On instinct I rotated the pot in my fingers to view the nutritional values, and to my horror it was completed scratched off.

"the fuck...??" I breathed, in surprise.

On any other occasion, mom would've scolded my language but in this case she simply watched from the serving hatch.

"m-mom where's the- I- the.." Tay raised an eyebrow as if she had not the slightest clue to what I was going to say. I couldn't even get my sentence out. I sighed, dropping the subject and took a minuscule bite of toast. I felt the buttered toast in my mouth and I almost burst into tears trying swallow it.

"You're doing so well,  my love." Taylor praised, walking into the dining table and eating the exact same thing. The nutritional values were scratched off on her yoghurt too, so even after my examination I just let it be.

A painful twenty minutes had past and I had only then just opened my yoghurt. Taylor mirrored me, so that we could still feel like we were eating together, even if slower than usual.

Taylor took a medium scoop of the pot's contents and ate it, then put her spoon back in the pot and tried to focus on something other than the eating.

After staring at the substance sat on my spoon so long it could've collected dust like an antique clock, I decided to shove it into my mouth and just get it over with.

Taylor gave me the proudest smile after my second spoonful. Her eyes watered and glistened with tears and her smile was so genuine.
"good girl, y/n," She sighed, so proudly, stroking my free hand that was nervously tapping the glass table. "I am so so so proud of you, princess."
——————————————————-
Later that same day, I was sitting down on the sofa tiredly, Taylor on her laptop, next to me. Out of nowhere, she said softly; "I had an ED too, you know?"

At first I thought I'd drifted off into a dream, but Taylor leaned back in her seat besides me and gave a small smile to me and sent me this warm fuzzy feeling that I love almost more than anything, and that feeling can't be replicated in a dream.
I knew all too well about Taylor's old eating disorder, which was one of the reasons I was so ashamed to tell her about this. Because in a way, I thought she'd find a way to make herself feel guilty for believing herself when she thinks that she didn't 'protect' me or whatever.

"It was hard for me too, honey," she turned from her laptop to flash me a smile. She reached for my weak, tired and hand stroked it gently. "v-very hard."

Taylor's POV;
I decided I would talk to y/n about my ED so that maybe it could encourage her to let me get her whatever she needs from me.

"There were times where someone would say something like:

- 'she looks fat'
- 'she looks pregnant'
- 'she has a big stomach'
- 'that outfit makes her look fat'
or something along the lines of:
- 'she looks SO skinny'
- 'she literally looks anorexic'
- 'just have some food, it's not that hard'
People even went so far as to sexualise my body, y/n/n..."

I could visibly see the horror on my daughter's face, a face usually filled with joy and laughter looked fearful and not fearless. 

"It got to the point where I would feel faint halfway trough or at the end of a performance, and at times I would faint after a tour." I explained slowly to my daughter. "I made myself so so sick, y/n.. I felt like dying." I took a shaky breath.

I could hear my daughter's heart shattering and I could hear her trying to muffle her little sobs.

"But look at momma now, y/n/n. Hm?" I smiled, cupping her face and kissing her cheeks. "I'm so much happier now," I smiled at her, then glanced back to my laptop. "I'm healthy, I'm feel safe and happy in my body, and honey I have everything  I could ever have wanted."

y/n looked up at me with watery eyes. "W-what would that be, mom?"

I chuckled gently and closed my laptop, putting it away, then lying down beside my daughter.

"you" I whispered, softly.

y/n cried a little bit and I wiped her tears.

"I love you, mom" she whispered, and I felt such euphoria crash over me.

"I love you more, y/n/n."
——————————————————
SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP.
im not ok. omfg.
——————————————————