Bad Habits

chapter twelve

TW: nonconsensual advancements, manipulation ⚠️

It was late October and the air was getting cooler by the day. I was on my third date with Gabe and it felt like he was the first person I truly liked. Obviously I liked Nick and I liked Ethan and Miles, but I didn't like them.

"Look! Let's go on the go karts!" I pointed to a corner of the pumpkin patch. I grabbed Gabe's hand and pulled him over.

"I'm gonna beat you." He nodded cockily.

"I mean, I'm a terrible driver so it's not unlikely." We went around the small track 5 times, passing each other back and forth.
Before the horn went off, I was in front. I sped up to confirm I won. "Loser!" I stuck my tongue out at Gabe who was pretending to cry sarcastically.

"I let you win." He crossed his arms.

"Yeah okay."

"Will you be my girlfriend?" He blurted out.

"Oh!" I widened my eyes. "Yeah." I nodded with a smile, kissing him.

"Now you don't have to tell people you're not dating the guy you were just making out with." He laughed.

"At least one thing good comes out of dating you!" I spun around on the back of my heel and walked back holding his hand in my pocket.

.
.
.

When I got back to my dorm, Elaine looked stressed.

"What's up?" I smiled.

"My dad wants me to start looking for flights for Thanksgiving, Me and Drew keep getting into fights, and I have a huge test coming up." She held her hands on her forehead.

"Okay well I can help you look for flights but I can't do anything about the other two."

"No, you don't need to help. I need to do it myself so convince myself I'm overreacting." She frantically started typing on her laptop.

"Okay." I laughed and changed into gym clothes. "Leaving!" I announced whilst shutting the door behind me. I completed a very difficult workout, and decided to get food. I went through the tropical smoothie drive through and ordered. When I got to the window, the worker told me the person in front of me payed.

Carter: you're welcome 🙄

ME: HEYYYYY!

Carter: not even a thank you?

Me: I'll make you muffins.

Carter: with what oven?

Me: shit. i'll make them over thanksgiving!

Carter: making me wait a month for muffins

I laughed to myself and shut off my phone. I got back to my dorm and finished eating my food, ready for bed. I opened my laptop to check my emails and saw that my professor cancelled my class for the next day. Thank goodness. As I was climbing under the covers, Elaine walked in looking wasted.

"Hi." she smiled messily.

"Where were you?" I took a sip out of my water bottle.

"The bar." She flopped onto her bed.

"I see that." Elaine turned off her lamp and started snoring immediately. I lied there for a good hour until I couldn't take her snores anymore. I put on my slippers and walked outside, shivering as the cool air hit me through the open door.

Me: are you up?

Gabe: am now :)

Me: sorry

Gabe: don't be. everything alright?

Me: yeah. can't sleep.

Gabe: i'm sorry. i'll be there in 5.

Me: what??

Me: Gabe??

I snuck back into my dorm to get my coat. Gabe pulled into the parking lot five minutes later just like he said.

"Hi." I covered my arms. He handed me a hoodie without saying anything and I slipped it on under my coat. "So where are we going?"

"For a drive." He smiled over at me.

"Okay." I nodded and buckled up. We drove around for a while before pulling into a spot in the park. There were only a few people out, as it was really late. "Pretty out." I gazed at the colorful leaves falling off of the dying trees being illuminated by the few city lights.

"It is." I leaned into his chest. "What's new with you?" He lifted my chin up to look at him.

"Nothing since I saw you ten hours ago." I giggled.

"Makes sense." He kissed me gently. I sat there with my lips partially opened looking at him. He kissed me again.

"Gabe." I protested, yet didn't fight it. He continued kissing me. "I need to get back to bed."

"Bed can wait." He was growing very eager.

"Gabe." I repeated myself more sternly. He completely disregarded me. "Stop!" I attempted to push him off of me, but I wasn't strong enough. His hand reached for my bra strap before I smacked it away. "You just fucking asked me to be your girlfriend not even 12 hours ago! I'm not sleeping with you!" I slammed the car door and ran into the cold. I had no sense of where I was, I left my phone in the car, I had no money, and I was freezing to death. I sat down on a nearby bench and tucked my knees to my chest. I started sobbing uncontrollably, scared of what was happening.

"Tara." He sat down next to me.

"Get away from me." I flared my nostrils in disgust.

"Baby. You can't do this to me." He shook his head.

"Do what?! Say no?!"

"Make me the bad guy. You led me on!" He raised his voice. I thought about it for a moment and realized I did. I was cuddling and flirting with him before. I wasn't stern at all when I originally told him to stop. He probably thought I liked it. I also didn't want to repeat my bad habit of leaving guys in the dirt after leading them on.

"I'm sorry." My voice cracked. I didn't look in his general direction.

"Get in the car." He stood up. I wiped the tears from under my eyes with my sleeves and followed after him.

a/n: I want to clarify I do not at all condone sexual assault of any form. I don't believe any of the thoughts that Tara thought, and I know it's never the survivors fault. If you or anyone you know is in an abusive situation, tell someone. It's ok to speak up.

Written: October 22nd 2023
Published: November 11th 2023