Pain-stained Journals | Anthology

16 | Woman with a black skull

She is everything a man wants. Beautiful, filled with sexual energy, clever but cunning. However, no one knows what is happening with her under the surface. She tends to express her body freely every chance she gets. A lot of men saw her naked and she didn't care. Her emotions were not visible. She didn't need to hide them since she had none. She was not an empath but she could interpret and copy every human emotion. So was she a human then? Everyone thought so because they didn't know her. She was more or less a human but she didn't feel emotions like a woman would.

She craved deep intimacy all her life but the living black skull in her body was preventing her from that. Black skull of emptiness. The careful bomb inside her head could explode any minute. She knew she was a living dead body because of that. It was like an illness one cannot escape from. The death sentence was final. This is why she intended for her life to be that way, without regrets. She wanted to live her life to the fullest.

Thoughts didn't cloud her mind just like they do to every other human. They didn't disturb her. She was free of them. Free to do whatever she wants.

One day the black skull did enough to turn away her chance. The chance of a pleasurable life. She met a man who fulfilled her passion. What she didn't know was that the man would be turned down just as fast. Black skull unpredictably gave its way. When she first met that man, her skull started to tighten inside of her head, it became painful and disorientating. She couldn't bear the pain she was feeling. She excused herself panicking slightly. Her trembling voice announced that she must flee. Because of that disturbing pain coming from her skull, she turned away her chance. More like the skull did it for her. She could not know the man was that important. All she managed to know about him was that he was a doctor who practised ancient medicine.

It was the one and only person that could cure her.

After a while, the pains stopped but the tracks of her and that man went sideways. She didn't gather any contact information from him so they were like strangers now. Strange to each other people who couldn't possibly find their way back to each other.

Later that night she held her head on the pillow, lying naked on the bed. She craved the intimacy she once had. It was that one thing she couldn't handle. That one accident that changed everything. One moment in her lifetime turned her into another persona. Person of coldness, followed by every disaster.

Throughout her life, she tried to live the way she once did, but it wasn't achievable, looking back at what happened to her.

Before the accident, her life was a series of fortunate events. She remembers getting married at a young age, getting her dream job and having a beautiful, sighty house all for herself. After the accident, she forgot what happiness felt like.

The only thing she had now was sex. She was addicted to it because it gave her information about people. The black skull inside her shivered every time she saw someone cry in her arms. Every time someone cried in her arms she felt numb, like it was none of her business and she had no intention to help. The truth is the skull lived of people's pain. The pain of others fuelled it. The woman didn't shed a tear when people said they despise her, hate her guts or want to kill her. She remembered she was a living corpse.