The Lakes - Taylor Swift

VIII

You were sitting in your car, you mind had been racing. You had gone to the cabin, packing everything up before heading off. But now you were at gas station, right out of town and you couldn't move a muscle. You didn't know where you were supposed to go, you thought you were going home, but the only place you could think of was with Taylor. 

"Just stop!" Taylor shouted at you. "You won! You outed me! Stop trying to tear me apart!"

"I'm not trying to hurt you. I just-just saying the words we've neglected to say to each other all of this time." You said, softly.

You felt your heart ache, you didn't know how you had gotten to this point. You shouldn't have been so cruel, so blunt. She wasn't ready. But you wanted Taylor, you've wanted her for so long, and you finally got to have her for her just to pull away. 

"Well there is only so much you can do after years of hiding. You forget, you are just dealing with a-lover. You are dealing with your best friend. You don't leave them whether you can or cannot. You just don't. But that makes your love for her so much harder because-well you love her. All that time, you were away, I always asked about you. And every time I did, the little part of you that died in her, came alive. You were always so alive in her, if she knew better, she would've gone after you and never let you go." Majorie said, you shook your head, spitefully. You realized what she meant, it wasn't about her being closeted to the world, it was about never telling you she loved you, or vise versa. It was the not explaining your feelings, and what you wanted, that in the end ruined those blissful moments between the two of you.

Why hadn't you just let her know the truth. It was so evident on you, the way you looked at her, if she didn't know you were in love, you weren't sure how you were supposed to tell her. You knew she wouldn't understand, she wouldn't tell you the truth. You and Taylor thought that it would figure itself out, in time, but it felt like your whole world was falling apart, you feared that you would never have your best friend and lover back. 

You glanced over your shoulder, as highlights shined through your rearview mirror, being brought into the moment. It felt like your heart wouldn't start anymore, that you've lost Taylor for the final time. 

But it wasn't all your fault, it couldn't be. The way you looked at her, the way you melted by her touch, she had to know the way you felt about her. That night so long ago, when you gave everything to her, you thought she would've known. But when you left she said, "I love you, like a friend." You didn't think friends looked at each other that way. 

The air in your car was growing thick with loss and indecison. You felt like you were drowning in doubt and sadness. You looked through your rearview mirror to look at your face that looked gray, you wouldn't fold, you wouldn't admit that you were sick. How long would she write sad songs about you? You gave her everything, your endless empathy and all you did was bleed as you tried to brave for her. Fighting for her, only for her all these years, you shouldn't be ignored. You were supposed to be the best thing at the party, right? Why didn't you feel that way?

When did it get so hot in here?

Then your phone started going off and you say 'Angel' flashing on your screen. You immediately picked up the phone, hyperventilating. "Mama." You gasped. 

"Jules, where are you sweetheart?" 

"Gas station, Chubs, outside of town." You cried, hiccupping. "I messed up."

"I'm coming, me and Mom are coming for you." 

You don't know how long you stewed in your tears, your cheeks dry and eyes red. You felt so much loss washes over you all in one moment. When Angel got here, she got out of her car before coming to you. You unlocked the car and turned off the engine. You didn't say anything as she led you back to Feya's car. When you walked over she got out of the car and wrapped her arms around you, pulling you in tight. You took the hug, taking a deep breath out, before she led you to the passenger door. 

"We're gonna go back home." 

You bet that you weren't.

*Hey guys, I really wanted to write for this story, because I honestly love it so much, right now I'm focusing on my other taylor focused fic, I Know Places, which is going to be a pretty long story, I'm excited! I will probably update in smaller chunks but hopefully weekly!*