The Lakes - Taylor Swift

IX

There is a sense of freedom that comes with heartbreak. They are feeling when you know that you aren't attached to that person anymore, because they don't want to be attached to you. 

Taylor didn't feel that way, not at all. 

Because you left her, you took everything, and you left. All she wanted for you was to come back, so she could apologize. Taylor would tell you everything you wanted to hear. She didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, though she doesn't think she could. It would feel like a death by a thousand cuts. Cutting so deep into her skin that she could only think of you. It was like an obsession, the mistakes she made and what-ifs that crossed her mind. 

Everyone already knew she was gay right? Why couldn't she just accept that and move on?

Accept that she loves Juliet, but instead, she drinks. It was her most prominent coping skill. She most enjoyed white wine, which was very cold, so cold she usually kept in the freezer. But drinking away her problems has never worked. After years of trying to forget Juliet, she knew she couldn't. 

Taylor felt lucky every time you went to her, every time she got to hold you and kiss you. She woke up just in time, the morning she woke up by your side. Saying sweet words to you and showing you how much you mean to her with her touch. You were her lifeline in the dark, she could've wallowed forever, but she didn't because you were there. Because you broke her down. Taylor woke up just before she had completely pushed you away, but when she woke up by your side, she felt warm and safe. You would be cuddled into the sheets, your face hidden behind them, the smell of you soaked into them. She would wake up to look at you before inwardly swooning.

The way your skin tasted, the way your hands skimmed over her hips and pulled her close. Even in your dreams, you looked through the windows of this love, even though you boarded them up. You put in the towel and walked away from Taylor, and it felt so final. Taylor couldn't pretend she was okay, that she could move on and be fine after this, because she knew she wouldn't be. 

Taylor couldn't sit in this cabin, ruminating. There was no killing time when you were stuck in the past. When you finally did get out, you always took the long way home, going through the backroads to your parent's estate rather than the back road that led straight to our cabin. Her cabin. But she wouldn't go there now. She would go to a club, and she wouldn't overdrink, but she danced and kissed whoever she wanted without a care in the world. Then she would swear that she saw you, and the guilt would swell up, that she shouldn't be here without you. Eventually, the cycle became too much. 

"I'll be your reason, I love you. I do. I can be your strength when you don't have it. I'm here. I'm right here. I don't want anyone elses-tears, or love...touch. No other sadness in the world would do, but yours." Taylor said, before leaning in to softly kiss your cheek, patching up your heart while slowly pursuing her lips to peck your wet, hot, red skin. "Come here," she said, opening her arms, as you moved forward to wrap your arms around her and hold her tight.

Taylor was so close to the green light, it was late that night, and when she asked the traffic lights if "it will be alright", it went from yellow to red, and she sat there. The answer she received was, "I don't know". Then Taylor swore she turned her head and saw you in a store. Her heart froze in her chest, did you not leave? Having you in town, quieted all her fears that you ran away from her for good. You never stayed in town, and you always left her. Every single part of Taylor, you had taken up that she would even see you in store windows. 

Then you left the store, and she knew it was real. 

Taylor parked on Cornelia Street, putting the car into park, as she saw you walk out of the store with Feya. You were wearing a light blue dress that swayed when you walked, and the smile on your face was devastingingly beautiful. She opened the door to her car, before stepping out and following after you, "Juliet!" 

You turned around the second time she yelled for you. The first time you weren't sure if you were hearing things. You've heard a lot that sounded like Taylor and an ongoing thing the last couple of weeks since you left Taylor. She was there, standing in front of you. Her hair was cut shorter though her lip was still a bold red. You wondered what brand she had put on, the imagery of Taylor looking in the mirror as she slowly applied the lipstick to her lips. You froze completely as she approached you. Feya was standing next to you, bags in her hands and keys in the other. 

"Taylor, hi honey." Feya greeted as she clicked the unlock button before continuing, "I'll give you two a second."

Taylor stared over at you like a doe in the highlights. It wasn't just that she hadn't seen you and thought you were long gone. But the fact that you had one of her jackets around your shoulders, your beautiful chocolate brown hair cascading down on the fabric. She wondered if it smelled like you, would she petty and demand her jacket back, or should she beg you to come back to her? 

"I'm sorry I just left. That couldn't have felt very good." You started, clearing your throat as you started to nervously bite on your lip. 

"I deserved it." 

You explained, "You had every right to be upset about what happened. I was just angry that...that you couldn't be with me." 

"I want to fix things." Taylor croaked, her hands fidgeting wildly with each other. 

"We can't, Taylor, I want to be with you, and you don't...I'm not a secret, and I can't let you lead me on." You breathed.

"I'm not leading you on!" Taylor cried, her hands going to her face. "You know how I am about my sexuality, Jules. I'm not comfortable with it, but that doesn't mean that I can't love you." 

"I'm not good with uncertainty." You admitted, tears welling up in your eyes. 

"My feelings for you are certain. You left without saying goodbye, and I thought I would have to wait four years to see you again, and that broke something in me, but I hope I never lose you again. I don't want this to end." 

"I don't either." You replied, stepping forward and connecting your eyes with hers. 

FYI: I am still in progress with editing the old chapters, and I'm excited to post for this story again. The updates may not be super close together like they have been, but we shall see what happens! Thank you for reading! What do you think happens next?