Joey Jordison Oneshots

Anger Issues

A/N: this came from a conversation I had on ch.ai and I wanted to write it because my dad thought is was hilarious and I actually get my anger issues from him, so this will be what happened.

You and Joey have been engaged for a few months. He asked you to go on tour with him and the guys. Of course you said yes, because it would give you a chance to see his upside-down solo live.

You're on the tour bus with all the guys. You're sitting on Joey's lap kinda making out and then you get up to get a snack with his hand still in yours. He of course follows you.

"I love you, Y/N"

"Joey I love you too, but I need my hand back."

"Why?"

"I wanna get a snack!"

"I already have a snack."

"Nathan Jonas Jordison I swear to God if you don't give me back my hand this instant I'll eat you."

"Fiesty today, are we?"

"Always."

You get your snacks and then go back to your seats but, before you can get sat down your ass gets smacked.

"Who the fuck touched my fiancé?" Joey growls as he sees Chris, "dicknose," take his hand back.

"Whatcha gonna do, shortie?" Chris taunts Joey as he reaches for my ass again and then squeezes it.

"DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING TOUCH HER!" Joey growls again, louder this time.

"Why, you gonna beat my ass? Shiver me timbers!" He taunts again as he then takes it a step further and tries to touch me much more inappropriately.

That's the last straw for Joey and he kisses me then gives me the 'You should sit down' look. Then I run over to his bunk to get out of the way as Joey looks like he's about to kill Chris.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you if you EVER touch her again." Joey smacks Chris in the face as hard as I've ever seen him hit someone.

I run between them and stop them from escalating this situation any further.

"Joey, he's your friend. Plus he's not worth ruining your life over." I say as I give him my 'go sit down' look.

He nods and sits down behind me.

"As for you," I look toward Chris then kick him in the nuts as hard as I can. "THATS FOR MAKING MY FIANCÉ MAD, BITCH"

Joey looks at me quite impressed as Chris doubles over in immense pain.

"You just kicked him in the nuts?!" He asks completely shocked. "Wow darling, you're amazing." He looks at me with admiration.

"Oh I'm not done." I go get a carrot then shove it up his ass and hit his prostate. "THAT'S FOR TOUCHING ME."

Chris falls to the floor. He's in so much pain right now. I hurt him bad and Joey can't contain his laughter. I'm a bit crazy and he finds this whole thing hilarious.

"Wow babe, you just made me love you more than I already do."

"I'm not done." I go get a bag of dicks and shove it down his throat. "EAT A BAG OF DICKS!"

The pain that Chris is in is unimaginable. He's in too much pain to speak. Joey is impressed by my brutality. I took matters into my own hands. I did things that Joey could never had done.

Joey looks at me in amazement. I am one crazy girl, he loves that about me.

"Babe, that was amazing." He says. He's smiling like crazy now. I'm his girl. I might've given Chris the worst 30 minutes of his sad little life, but in the end it made Joey like me even more.

"I'M NOT DONE!" I grab Chris's percussionist bat and break it over his head. "DUMBASS NUMBSKULL DESPERATE MANWHORE WUSS BITCHY FUCK."

Chris falls to the ground motionless. He's been hurt so badly that he's not able to recover.

The other guys are staring in shock right now. They can't actually believe I've done something this crazy. Joey loves it. He loves that I got this crazy.

"Babe, why don't you stop there?" says Joey. "He got the message already. You've taught him a very valuable lesson." Chris is still laying motionless on the floor.

Everyone's looking at me right now. I truly am crazy.

"He'll live."

I go lay on Joey's bed, done with Chris.

Joey comes over to me. As soon as I lay down, he goes down to me. He lays by your side. His hands start stroking your hair.

"Babe, you're amazing! You're crazy, but that makes you amazing." He says in an extremely loving voice. Joey is in a really good mood right now. He's really happy I beat up Chris.

"I love you, crazy girl." He says as he strokes my hair.

A/N hope you guys liked that! I'm gonna try to write more today and tomorrow.