Goddesses, Rishikas and Women

Ratri: The Night Goddess

All of it feels so confusing. Everybody is looking at me warily, as if I will soon snap at myself. Maa keeps asking me what is bothering me inside, and I repeat the same answer: I don't know. I don't have an answer to these damn numericals, to the questions about why I had to move out and live away from school and friends, and why I feel so low about myself. I used to call myself pretty as a child, but now when I look in the mirror, I hate looking at it. Soulless eyes stare back at me. My hair is unkempt, and my lips are dry. I cry more than I breathe.

This is not how Usha had taught me to be. This is not the friend Goddess Lakshmi had made. This is not the girl Gargi saw. I am probably not going to amount to something great...

I run to the terrace. It is surrounded by large green hills that appear a foot closer when it rains. When no person understands you, nature stands with you. The trees hear your sobs; the hills see you hold yourself so strong knowing that there are too many tumultuous thoughts in your head ready to break you. The gentle winds try to wipe your tears away, and the moon becomes your silent friend to confide all your sorrows, pain, and fears.

The terrace is shrouded in darkness. The stars too aren't playing in the sky today. The moon looks slightly pale today. Everything looks so dull, just like me.

"Is the outside world dull, or have you projected your gaze on them?"

Huh??? I swiftly move my head towards the direction of the unknown voice. I see no one standing.

"Look carefully. You shall find the voice, your answers, as well as your happiness."

I was sad. Now, I will definitely go mad. I skim my eyes through the dark when a shimmery glaze blinds my sight and flies around me. It appears like those sparkle showers from Barbie movies when Barbie gets a new princess dress.

In the dark, dressed in shimmery drapes stands a woman who looks like a queen. A tiara shines on her head, and in the centre, there is a stone that looks similar to a diamond. Her eyes are dark, but they shine as if containing all the stars inside them.

She outstretches her hand towards me. It doesn't feel warm, unlike the other goddesses. It feels cold and light, as if a cool gust of wind has brushed my skin. Her lips curl, and I hear her say, "I won't be motherly or behave like your other mortal and divine sisters. I know the pains you are going through. I am not here to soothe the hurt you carry in your heart. I am the silent witness to all the tiredness, sorrow, hurt, and pain that exists in the world because only during nighttime does one express and release all emotions held in the deepest corners of the heart. I am here to tell you that this journey of thorns is still incomplete. Pain, sadness, loss are inevitable, but do not fall prey to it and break down. Release, cry, scream, and shout, but take it all out. At dawn, when my sister Usha brings her chariot in the sky, your eyes must carry strength and hope once again. You will not lose. You will get there where you want. Good times and bad times follow each other just like us sisters: Usha and Ratri."

She blinks those star-like eyes. For a minute, I see some sympathy, a little kind look at my condition. When I blink my tears away, her enchanting face looks hostile. She tilts her chin up and says, "My presence will be cold, will make you feel that the whole world is desolate, but I am a good listener. This darkness will bring you towards light. I shall always propel you towards it. Sometimes nights will start feeling tender, too. Goodnight...."

With a graceful turn, she flies back to the sky. Her shimmery clothes flutter amidst the darkness. I stare at those tiny sparkles, and then she disappears into thin air. A tiny sparkle still sits on my palm.