2am Thoughts

Freshman

Seeing you smile with other girls makes my heart crumble into tiny little pieces much finer than refined sugar. You never liked me back. You only saw me as a friend. The friend you can call whenever you need and answer right away. The friend you ask for favors because you know she'll never turn you down. You're a smart one.

Actually, if you're using me, you're quite smart. I never wanted to be used. I wanted to be loved. It's really a miracle that two people love each other at the same time. Perhaps, when I stop chasing you, will you chase me? Eminem's right, "you want them when they don't want you, soon as they do feelings change." But I never stopped wanting or loving you yet, so you don't like me yet?

The girl you like, she may never know that in my world she's the luckiest bitch. In your world, she's your queen and I'm your maid. In her world, you're a commoner or one of those who wait in the long line for her hand which she'll never give you. Will she?

You're the only person I've ever loved this long. I never thought you'd mean the world to me. You're a little ugly but I love you with my whole being. I'm ready to show you my sides, the good, the bad and the whatever side of me. I am more than willing. But i may never have that chance. I'm just your friend or one of your bests. I can never call you that with my heart because to me, you're the man that I love. I don't care if you have a wide forehead!

I just can't stop thinking about you now that you've entered college. You said that college is freakin' boring and there's no one pretty in your block. That's a relief though. I might transfer schools just for you. But I need this for my future, hopefully, our future. I can't marry if I will not move on from you.

My mind said I need to move on but my heart doesn't want to. I hope I make a right decision. I wish you well and I hope we'll never lose communication.

P.S. I even thought of not marrying if you're not my groom.

(t.g.)