My Roommate, My Enemy (BXB) On Hold

Chapter Twelve

De'Andre p.o.v.
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It has been two weeks, since I last slept in my room..... It is pathetic... I am pathetic. How can I not face him at all?

I am scared of the amount of change that has happened to me emotionally. My life has never been this unsettled by my actions.

My father would not recognize me at all because nothing is going according to our plan....... It feels like the walls around me are collapsing. All of these emotions are so new to me. Everything has been shit and I'm not centered at all.

Im exhausted !!

Practice, work, and class has been on constant repeat and it is hard for me to handle. Not only that, but it is like I'm doing a shit job at all three. In the last two games I played horribly!!! Coach had to sit me out, But Sebastian plays perfectly like nothing ever happened at the party or in our dorm room. MY JOB has been awful and I am more tired than normal. I can't keep up with class and it is like my professors are speaking an entirely different language. I am so tired and I feel awful that I feel this way.

My life is hard and I have always worked hard but everything feels unimportant ...... Everything !
AND sleeping on Jamie's floor has not helped out at all and I have had to sleep outside. Everything is just awful.

" Hey Dre you alright you been staring at the wall for like a couple of hours......... I was about to head out and I just wanted to check in on you" Jamie say.

"Hey and yeah I am alright, I will catch you later " I say sitting up and watching him leave as he nods his head at my response.

He must be so sick of me for having invaded like this for two weeks, I just need to collect myself. I have been so weak and it is not alright. I need to reclaim my self and stop wasting time.

I manage to get myself to my feet and stretch my limbs out. Yawning I let out a sigh and open his door to head to my room.
I let all my thoughts disappear as I make my way to my room.
I am tired of being pathetic.... Things have to change.

I open my room door and immediately run to my bed enjoying the feel of familiarity... it gives me a sort of comfort.
As I lay my head on my pillow, taking it all the aromas I hear the bathroom door open.
I turn my head and see Sebastian in a towel.
" Hello" I say as I turn my body back to the wall.
"Hello" he say as he starts to make his way down to his closet.
I take a smooth inhale and exhale and start to rethink everything going under my blankets further.
Have I been overreacting..... pull yourself together De'Andre.

Slapping my cheeks, I get out of bed completely in my own thoughts and grab some casual clothes to wear.

Not that I have anything that is anything but casual.
I then head to the bathroom to take a shower and do some hygienic things I have been neglecting like brushing my teeth and shaving.
Maybe I'm depressed......

As I finish up in the bathroom I throw on my clothes and go back to the room and grab my phone and headsets putting them in immediately.

"Are you going somewhere" Sebastian says looking at me from his desk.

"No where that really concerns you" I say not really meaning it. I just can't help but respond to him this way.
It is getting annoying....

" You are really starting to press on my nerves De'Andre .... I have been really lenient.... can you not see that. Not only have you broken dormitory rules by sleeping in someone else room but you have broken other rules like having a job" he says plainly.

"Well not everyone has the luxury of being able to not work during college. Not everyone has a family behind them to support them, love them, and teach them. If you want to snitch then do it. I really don't feel like having this conversation with someone like you. All you ever manage to do is piss me off, every time you open your mouth "I say in the verge of tears
Everything is starting to replay in mind and all the pent up frustration is starting to come out because I am tired.
From my first day here I was aware that it would be hard work. And my dad instilled work ethic and grit in me at a young age . But it feels like it is falling off like I no longer have the armor he help build.
It is like I'm losing him.
As I start to feel the tears falling I just run out the room and I don't stop running until I reach the exit of campus.
Breathing hard, I start to walk finding my self further away from campus by the second and each step I feel my heart pump with determination, love, and support.
Because I know my dad is rooting for me and that he is confused as to way I have not regain my footing in the ground.