The Dark is Patient [a.s]

The Beginning

Ahsoka stirred the stew that was in front of her lazily, watching as chunks of meat spun in the broth and the steam billowed up towards her nose. It smelled nice, but she wasn't able to summon up her appetite with the way her mind was running wild. Not to mention Anakin was sitting right across from her and staring at her intently.

He was a very intense person and wasn't one to shy away from eye contact. When she was his Padawan and younger she remembered her training days where all Anakin would do is stand there with his arms crossed as he watched her. Unblinking and serious and she was never sure if he was pleased or not. Some other younglings would even come up to tell her her Master was frightening. She didn't blame them, he was a bit frightening even back then. But with her he had always been a bit different. His eyes would soften at the edges and he'd tell her he was proud of her, they'd share laughs and take walks discussing nonsense.

She looked up at him from her dinner and noticed he hadn't touched his food either. Ahsoka bit her lip and gripped her spoon tightly as the silence grew to be awkward. "How's your day been?" She cringed at her words and he blinked at her more a moment before a light laugh left him.

"Small talk?"

She shrugged.

Anakin sighed and rested his elbows on the table, biting his cheek as he thought. "Probably nothing you'd like to hear. Empire business."

Her eyes flicked down and she focused on her stew again. "Empire business," she muttered. "If you don't actually like the Emperor, why obey his beck and call?"

"Revolutions don't happen overnight, Ahsoka."

"Really, because it seems like the Republic fell pretty quickly."

Anakin shook his head. "The fall perhaps, but the build up to the Republic's destruction was a long time in the making. You know that, everyone knew it, they just didn't want to see the corruption for what it was. You can't honestly tell me you had complete faith in the Republic and its success."

Ahsoka sighed. "Not completely, no. But I had hope."

"Hope is a dangerous thing to have."

She looked at him for a moment, taking in the way the shadows played across his face and the way his eyes seemed to glow. "Hope gets people up in the morning, I don't think that's a bad thing."

"Perhaps," he took a sip of his water and cleared his throat. "So am I allowed to ask what's been up with you?"

She furrowed her brows. "What do you mean?"

"Your struggles with the Force. You say you can't use it yet twice I've seen utter destruction around you. What's that about?"

She gnawed at her lip as she debated on telling him.She knew she could trust him with the information but she couldn't help the guilt clawing at her insides when she thought back to losing control over herself.

"Lately I've been getting angry. Hateful. Two things that I've been trained to suppress all my life and I feel like I'm slipping. And when it gets bad I feel like I'm exploding, I should be disgusted by it and resent it yet afterwards it feels almost freeing? Which I know is the trap-"

"Ahsoka," Anakin reached across the table and took hold of her hand. "Hate and anger are natural parts of life."

"I know that but I shouldn't feed into it or let it control me. But lately it's the only time I feel powerful and it's confusing. Why is the Force only connecting with me when I'm having these negative thoughts?"

His thumb ran over the back of her hand and his skin was warm against her own. "When we're angry, our passions guide us and they're strong. They take over our minds and influence our actions and perhaps when you're in this mind state you find it easier to let go of everything else and connect with the Force."