Retreat (ddlb)

5

Within a few minutes we were all walking as a group with little to no whispering, just following Ms. Sammy as she led us off of the porch and in the direction of our dorm. But this time as we were approaching our dorm house, she changed direction and led us onto a path that I hadn't even noticed before, which led us past the scattered area of dorm houses and into a more thickly- wooded trail that only took us about a minute to lead us to a large clearing. I would be lying if I said I wasn't impressed with the vast amount of amenities in this clearing; there was a large playground complete with swings, slides, a jungle gym, and plenty of other miscellaneous activities. There was also a few other buildings, some of them being surprisingly bigger than the main front building, looking like longer, conjoined white cabins. I continued to look around as Ms. Sammy led us to the middle set of double doors on one of the three conjoined buildings, holding it open as we all trudged past her, still looking around.

The front glass doors led to a small, but open white room with chairs on either side and a staircase against the back wall. Ms. Sammy led us over to and up the staircase, which led to a very large and drafty pastel loft area, complete with skylights and white tables all along the room with shelves stacked with foam, fabric, feathers, and many different colors of paper, all neatly organized on one side of the room, with the other side lined with sinks, drying racks and trash cans. 

I stood still as I peered up at the ceiling, which was made up of painted, white, wooden paneling covering the single arch where the two sides meet down the middle of the room. I have to admit it's a really beautiful room, especially for a studio. "I give pretty much full freedom in crafts, but safety of course always comes first. So, if you need anything cut with scissors you can come and ask me and I'll help you. Also please refrain from making anything that could potentially be offensive. But before I let you guys get started, I'm going to call out the names of the people that have appointments with their new doctors and then the girls will join us!" I was a little bit disappointed when I remembered that I wasn't going to get to be here the entire crafts period, and it felt almost mean to show me this room filled with paper and markers and then pull some of us out to go and talk to a shrink. 

"...Jasper Andrews..." I sighed when I heard my name and walked back over to the top of the stairs to stand next to Ms. Sammy and the other boys that were called. We waited for about five minutes while the girls' group of blue bands arrived and the leaders got everyone settled before another leader led us back downstairs and out to another large building by the playground. This building was separate with only one set of glass double doors and was one story. The leader opened the door and we all walked into one room with couches and chairs that had a large doorway on the back wall. The leader asked all of us to make ourselves comfortable and that our doctors would come and get us before sitting down herself on one of the plush couches. I sat down on one of the soft chairs and picked up one of the culinary magazines that was sitting on one of the coffee tables and started flipping through the pages of desserts. 

After only a couple of minutes, though, my name was called and I looked up to see a short, stout woman waving over to me with a polite smile. I stood up and followed her through the large doorway which lead out to three hallways, one straight ahead and the other two directly to my left and right. The ceilings were lined with skylights, giving the hallways a soft and comforting glow from the sun and trees overhead. I followed the doctor down the right hallway, which had another turn and appeared to wrap around the waiting room I was just in, with all of the doors on the left side of the hall. I came to a stop when the doctor turned and opened one of the doors, which I noticed was decorated with a string of glittery pink pom-poms.

"Hi, my name is Dr. Lou! Go ahead and take a seat and we'll get started." She kindly gestured to a light pink couch that was littered with brightly colored cushions and stuffed animals. I didn't say anything as I plopped down on the soft cushions, watching her as she went to her desk and retrieved a notebook and a pink pen. 

"You have a favorite color." I told her, gesturing to her pen blatantly. "How could you guess?" She gave me a small smile that wasn't overly enthusiastic, which was oddly comforting seeing as though she was the first person to not treat me like a child since I got here. "I would ask you what your favorite color is but I saw your 'file'." She joked, and suddenly I felt a little embarrassed again after remembering that encounter from yesterday. "Does it bother you that we asked you that yesterday?" She asked me, with a soft but unreadable expression. "Uh, no, why?" I just stared back at her, feeling spied on somehow. 

"Well you just looked a little flustered when I brought up your green marker." She sat still, patiently waiting for me to go on. "What's the big deal with the marker?" I wanted to keep this casual so I maintained my steady voice and expression. "I don't know. I thought you could tell me?" I just raised my eyebrow at her statement, waiting for her to explain. "You seem to get bothered when I bring up your favorite color, is that because you thought the question was weird for a file?" She questioned casually. "No. I don't care about the marker stuff." I shrugged and sat back further into the couch, waiting for her to move on. 

"Oh, okay. Is there anything else bothering you, then?" I just looked at her and shrugged, "Well, I'm here so kind of." This time she put her pen closer to her paper. "What do you mean by that?" I just kind of looked away awkwardly and let a moment pass. "Well I'm not at home." This time I was getting a little tired of this conversation, with the reminder of my current state being brought to the front of my mind. "Do you think there's a reason you're here?" I looked back at her, feeling upset. "Yeah. I think I needed it kind of...?" She wrote something in her notebook and waited for me to continue. Instead, I changed the subject to something I actually wanted to talk about. 

"Why is everyone categorized here?" I questioned her, wanting more answers on this place. "So that we can see what will make everyone feel more comfortable." She replied like it was common knowledge. "But why? Is it just going to make us better to learn about sex?" This time she kind of gave me a small smile, like she understood I was somehow naive. "We aren't trying to make anyone learn about sex. We use BDSM as a way for people to put their emotions somewhere that feels good for them, as a way to possibly provide an outlet for negative energy." She studied me, waiting for a reaction. "So why was I sorted as an age regressor?" I felt embarrassed again and broke eye contact. "Because when you took your test yesterday it suggested that it could be really helpful for you to have that experience here." I continued looking around, not really liking this conversation. "So you want me to act like a baby to make myself better or something?" I slowly looked back up at her and she had a sweet expression this time. "We want you to experience feelings that will let your mind wind down and feel good and to let other people take care of you." I looked away again, feeling weird. "What happens if I don't do it? Like if I don't want to because it doesn't sound like something I'll like?" She gave me a look of understanding, like she didn't believe me. "I really think that you should go into this with an open mind so that you can enjoy yourself. You can experience things that you might not have been able to before when you were younger. Maybe you grew up where you didn't feel like you could be a kid..." I put my head up, feeling like this could be an explanation. "I've met littles before. I always thought that people do it when they had a bad childhood or bad parents or something. I have good parents and everything so maybe the test made a mistake." I looked at her, hoping maybe she will believe me. "Just because someone had a good childhood doesn't mean that they can't age regress." She gave me a small smile, like she had beaten me. 

"I don't think I need to, though." I crossed my arms, feeling disappointed. "I think that maybe your categorization upsets you." I stared at her, feeling annoyed. "It doesn't upset me. I just don't really think I'm interested." She didn't speak and then gave me a knowing smile. "Jasper, this whole visit you have tried to talk about it. It's okay if you feel weird about it, but I think you need to try it. What's the worst that could happen?" I frowned at her and then looked away, feeling angry. "Okay, well our time is almost up, but I'm going to give you some homework to do before I see you next. I want you to try giving more control to others. How about you let someone else get you food from now on? Remember I can ask Ms. Sammy how it goes." I stared at her in disbelief, resisting the urge to argue. I just nodded and stood up and walked towards the door. "Ok. Can I go now?" She stood and nodded and walked me to the waiting area and waved goodbye when I exited the glass doors. I walked out and saw a leader standing over by the doors to the crafts building, waving at me. I just lazily walked over, wondering how long I'm going to last in this place.