Retreat (ddlb)

10

"Who's winning?" I peered over Darien's shoulder at the game of poker they were playing. "Guess who." Darien smirked as he tossed down a couple of cards and Jayden groaned. "Little fucker siked me out. He told me he didn't know how to play." He narrowed his eyes at him from across the table and I grinned when I noticed the unopen can of coke in the middle of the table. 

I gave him a small fist bump and plopped down next to him to watch. I'm still feeling giddy from my walk with Ezra. I watched as Ezra went and sat next to Jayden, whispering and pointing at his cards. "Hey, that's cheating." Darien frowned and focused noticeably harder on his hand, which didn't make any sense to me because I don't know how to play poker. After a few minutes, they placed some cards down and Darien huffed and narrowed his eyes while Jayden grinned as Ezra clapped him on the shoulder. 

I was pretty entertained watching the three of them play, but as time went on I noticed Darien's mood changing more and more as Jayden played more and more successful hands and soon I was only watching him, both out of concern and curiosity. He seems to be acting differently, but I don't know him well enough to tell. 

"You good?" I nudged him and lowered my voice and when he looks at me it's like he forgot I was there because he had been so focused on the game and he was fidgety. "Me? Yeah. I need to beat them." I nodded, but this didn't ease my worry seeing as though I really couldn't read him. I looked across the table at Ezra and he looked back at me as I tilted my head towards Darien with a questioning look, hoping he would notice too and maybe go easy on him. He looked at him and looked back at me and gave me a reassuring smile and an expression that seemed to wave it off before going back to the game. 

After about ten more minutes, Jayden and Ezra won the game and I waited for whatever reaction Darien would have, hoping he wouldn't freak out or something, considering I don't technically know what kind of issues he has. But what he did next I honestly didn't expect. My eyes widened as I watched his eyes glisten and his bottom lip stick out and quiver as he looked down, heartbroken. I froze because I didn't know what to do, and looked frantically over at the other guys, in hopes that they would know what to do. Thankfully, Jayden was calm as he stood up and knelt next to Darien's chair and rubbed his back, helping him calm down. 

"Hey, buddy, take a deep breath. It's okay, you're good. It's just a game, alright?" Darien nodded and seemed to relax and it's then when I realized, like an idiot, that he was obviously regressed right now. Shit. I've never been good around kids or  littles so I'm a little caught off-guard with this and I look up at Ezra to see him already watching me. He gave me that same reassuring look and then I realized with another mental face-palm that both of them definitely knew what was happening to Darien while they were playing. This annoyed me so I stood up and went to the other side of the table to talk to him. I went past the table and motioned him over, and he stood up to stand in front of me. 

"Why didn't you stop? You knew he was getting upset. And now he's crying and you guys are acting like it's normal or something." I had my arms crossed as I stared at him, waiting for an explanation. "That's because it is normal. Sometimes games put people into headspace and he was already regressing when he was winning. He got upset because he looks to be around three or four right now, and Jayden didn't stop because he needed to let him regress further and to make him comfortable with him comforting him. Think of it as bonding, in a way." I frowned, in thought. I looked over to see Darien smiling and having a good time while Jayden smiled back, still talking to him and rubbing his back. I looked back at Ezra to see him gently smiling back, before deciding to just nod. I think it makes sense now? 

"Why don't we play another game?" I looked over again and Darien was giggling and Jayden was standing up, holding the deck of cards. "I don't know how to play." I said. "What about go fish?" I glanced over at Ezra, considering his suggestion and then looked back at Darien, who, honestly looked really happy right now. He seemed excited about the idea of Go-Fish so I shrugged and nodded. I remember liking this game when I was younger. 

Jayden sat back down in a chair and pulled Darien to sit on his knee while he shuffled the cards. I felt Ezra's hand on my back, gently and probably subconsciously guiding me over to the table. While Darien and Jayden were preoccupied with each other, I again felt Ezra's hands, this time going around my stomach gently, softly pulling me towards him, asking permission. I realized what he was asking and I decided it was okay so I nodded and let him sit down across the table from the others while hugging me against him so I was sitting on his lap comfortably. At first I felt shy, but then I decided it wasn't in the way that Darien was sitting on Jayden's lap, like a child with an adult, but in a casual way like two teenagers. 

"Okay, Darien and I will share a hand. We each get seven." We nodded and he dealt the cards, and I realized pretty soon that playing cards while in someone's lap is more complicated than I thought. After playing for a while, I was actually having fun. I'm not going to lie, but seeing Darien in headspace was kind of encouraging. He seemed so happy, which was a change of pace from what I've seen from him so far. Which isn't saying much considering we just met like today, but still. I even laughed too whenever he got to say 'Go-Fish!', which is his favorite part. It makes me wonder if it really is that easy, to just let go and let Jayden look after him while he plays cards and does whatever he wants. It makes me want to try a little more. 

After many rounds of Go-Fish and other card games, we realized it was getting late. Not from the clock or a leader, but the fact that Darien had fallen asleep with his head against Jayden's shoulder as we were talking. Jayden and Ezra said that they would take us to our cabin, with a no-nonsense attitude. I wasn't complaining, and due to the tiredness and heaviness in my feet I took Ezra's hand and put my head against his arm as we strolled back with Jayden basically holding Darien with one arm around him. 

When we reached the cabin Jayden went ahead and took Darien inside to hand him off to a caretaking leader while Ezra and I said our goodbyes on the porch. "G'night. We'll go see someone tomorrow, right? Not during our classes though. I don't want to miss them." I nodded tiredly and said goodnight as he walked into the dim woods to his cabin, with Jayden not far behind him. 

I went inside and got ready for bed, watching a caretaker put Darien to bed. As I laid down to go to sleep, I realized I didn't want to leave anymore and that this was actually a good first day.