forever?

chapter 13.

'reagan'

i cant believe it. matthew is in a hospital bed all broken and fighting for his life and it is all my fault. i love him so much. i shouldnt have argued with him in the car, i shouldnt have made him look at me when he was driving. i distracted him and then we got hit by that truck and now matthew is in a coma and he might not make it. oh my god.. he might not make it. i cant handle thinking about that. tears come pureing out of my face and i cant hold it in anymore. i cry. i cry so hard limping and walking as fast as i can, out of my hospital room and over to the waiting room with allison. i can barely see where i am going because my eyes are so filled with tears its a blurry mess. i cant lose matthew. i just cant.

once i get to the waiting room all the guys, hayes, nash, taylor, aaron, jack g, jack j, cameron and shawn come running towards me. they are all crying too. i hug each of them as tight as i can, crying while doing it.

carter must be in the room with matt because he isnt here and carter would not, not come to see his bestfriend in the hospital.

'carter'

i walk in the the room to see my bestfriend broken and looking almost dead. he cant die. i dont know what i would do but he just cant die. he needs to wake up. he has too. i break down agian and cry even more. i walk over to him and grab his hand. i know it isnt the most manly thing to do, grab another mans hand but fuck it. im also crying so it doesnt matter. he is my bestfriend and looking at him in this bed like that just kills me.

"matthew espinosa" i say laughing a little. "man please." tears come down my face. "please get better. please wake up okay? just please do it for me matt okay. i need you too. we all need you too. i cant lose my bestfriend so just please get better and wake up okay matt. i love you man." i lean in and hug him then just sit there for a while talking about random things to him even though he cant hear me. then i leave the room slowly and make my way back to the waiting room.

"carter!" i hear reagan say, walking over to hug me. i start crying and pull her in as tight as i can and just hold her.

"thank god your okay." i say in relief.

"im fine.." she frowns. "how is he..." then i frown.

"hes still in a coma.. nothing as changed.." she pulls me in agian and i hug her tighter then before. i cry into her shoulder. i cry hard. i just let it all out.

she comforts me as we both cry to each other.

"im so sorry carter. this is all my fault" she says with tears running down her face.

"h-how is this your fault?"

"i was talking to him and he looked over at me right before we got hit.." she says calmly.

"reagan listen. this is not your fault okay. it was an accident." i hug her tight and the rest of the guys come over and we all group hug for a minute or so.

we pull away and i look at reagan. "go see him okay.." she nods and walks over to his room.

'reagan'

"matt.." i say walking over to his bed and grabbing his hand lightly. "im so sorry this happened matt. it should have been me in the coma all broken.. not you." i stop whipping my tears away. "please matthew, just please get better okay. i love you so much. i need you. my life will be nothing without you. you have to get better for all of us okay. i will help you through it all i promise but you just need to wake up matt." i lean in and kiss him softly.

"you are the best thing that has happened to me and i cant imagen where i would be if you never moved in next door. i am so glad you did and im so glad i came over with those bagels to say hi to you guys. im glad that you acted the way you did when i first met you and blurted out nervously that your name is matt and the way you looked at me while blushing after i noticed you said that. it was the cutest thing ever, and then when we went to the beach and you pulled me over your shoulder then threw me in to the water, and when we kissed for the first time that day that we went to breakfast together. i was so glad that i kiss you and i would never take any of it back. our first date, the day you asked me out. oh, that was the best day of my life. you gave me that necklace that matches your key chain. i love you so much matthew. please stay strong and get better. for me, for carter, for us, for all the guys and allison." i kiss him agian and slowly walk out of the room with tears still filling my face and my shirt and all over me.

i reached over to my neck and realized that the necklace isnt there.

my heart sank even more.

i lost the necklace.. its gone.. where did it go?

i need to find it.