Gossip to secret

13.

The atmosphere grew hushed, and Khadija's tears had already welled up in response to the hurtful words Ashraf directed at me, labeling me as a prostitute and worse.

Ashraf's gaze remained fixed on me, carrying an inexplicable desire, perhaps even a longing to embrace and kiss me. I let out a bitter chuckle and retorted, "Wow, Ashraf, just look at the desire in your eyes, and you dare to call me names. What a shame," I told him before turning away. The others followed me as I walked away.

We located a quiet spot and took our seats, where Hanifa kindly offered me a bottle of water. I embraced Khadija, who was still crying, as though she had been the target of those hurtful remarks. "How could he say those things to you? Aren't you hurt? Why aren't you crying?" Khadija asked through her tears.

I gently released the embrace and held her face in my hands. "Hey, sweetheart, don't worry, okay? I am hurt, but I can't cry, alright? Please, don't cry. I'm fine," I reassured her, trying to console her.

The words Ashraf uttered had an agonizing impact on me, and with each passing moment, the pain seemed to intensify. I had never imagined a day like this would come – the day Ashraf, the person I thought knew me best, would swiftly label me as a prostitute. I even believed that even if he witnessed it with his own eyes, he would never hold such a belief. But the mere mention of it, and he not only believed it but also used derogatory language.

It felt as though my heart was being torn in two, yet I concealed the depth of my anguish. I wanted to shut myself off from the world, to disconnect until I couldn't feel anything anymore.

Musbahu eventually joined us and inquired about my well-being. I replied with a forced "yes." "Don't pay any mind to what he said; he's just a fool," Musbahu comforted me.

Hanifa remained silent throughout. "I think you should head home," Musbahu suggested, and he escorted us back. Khadija wished to spend the night with me, but her mother's disapproval prevented it. I reassured her not to worry about me, we shared a heartfelt hug, and I bid her goodbye. Musbahu accompanied her home as well.

Upon returning to my room, I took a soothing warm bath while Hanifa prepared the hot water for me. I declined to eat, as the pain was too much for me to have an appetite.

We sat across from each other, and Hanifa began with a sigh, "Anisa, do you see why I've been urging you to stop going to the club? Who will believe that you can go to a nightclub and not engage with men? It's hard for people to accept that."

"I understand what Ashraf said was harsh, and he shouldn't have used those words," Hanifa continued, "But, Anisa, it's painful for him to know that the girl he loves is spending time at the nightclub, acting like it's normal."

I responded bitterly, "That still doesn't give him the right to call me those names."

Hanifa, speaking with a calm and sisterly tone, implored, "Yes, but consider your job in the city. What if they find out about your nightclub visits? Do you think Mrs. Farha would want you to model for them again? She's an Arab woman. Anisa, you need to think about your future. You're growing up, and you have a world of opportunities ahead. Some people out there are yearning for the chances you have. Anisa, I'm speaking to you as a big sister. Please, go to the city, start school, and focus on building your life. Forget about Willowbrook and everything that's holding you back. Please, Anisa."

She paused, and then added, "The life you're leading here isn't worth it, and it's a place where no one really cares. Think about it."

I remained silent for a couple of minutes, then quietly admitted, "Maybe that's what I wished Ashraf would say to me instead of those hurtful words. I've used this lifestyle and the gossipy environment as a way to escape from my problems because I know no one truly cares. It's been that way since my parents passed away. His family took all of his wealth and left me and Mama with nothing. They used to be so kind to us, but after his death, they abandoned me. I've carried this hurt ever since. I promised myself I'd never burden anyone with my problems because, in the end, no one really cares. Even those who claim to love you eventually walk away, so what's the point? Maybe this is my way of trying to cheer myself up," I said, a hint of sadness in my voice, though not a tear in sight. Hanifa seemed taken aback by the revelation.