𝐕𝐎𝐈𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐒, tmr x tw | ✓

12: Quiet and Question

Thomas's inside the med room, looking up at the ceiling. When he looks at Newt, all he wants to do is apologize. I brought him in danger, I cut off a part of his ear, and I hurt him. I hurt everyone around him. Yet the only thing he does is sit there, quietly, waiting for more souls to torment.

Why me?

He wants to apologize to Scott for telling him it's his fault, even though it wasn't really him talking.

Thomas forces himself to stop feeling scared: this is what the nogitsune wants.

'Why do you protect them, Stiles?' asks Void's voice, not aloud. 'They hurt you.'

The gladers never hurt me. The pack has, but I don't blame them for it. Not for all of it, not anymore, thinks Thomas. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine.

'You should give in, Stiles. Give me all of you,' adds Void.

I won't. replies Thomas. I won't and I never will.

'They've hurt you. Scott's hurt you. He believed Theo over you when you've been nothing but by his side through everything.'

Even if they've hurt me, why would I do the same? I don't feed on their suffering. The only thing making me happy is my friends; why would I take their happiness away, just so I could keep mine? It's not like I'm not used to feeling down a little.

'A little?' taunts Void sarcastically.

Shut up.

'You're not worth anything.' says Void. 'Not with them.'

Stop.

'They forgot you, didn't even come looking for you.'

That wasn't their fault.

'Was it? Lydia remembered after a while. Scott didn't. Your own father didn't.'

Void keeps playing in on Thomas's doubts and insecurities. He keeps talking, he stops responding. Or does he? He's not sure what thoughts are his. Is he really the one thinking, or is the nogitsune doing that for him, too?

He ponders on whether he'll make it out of this. Will his friends? Probably. They're strong. Their only weakness is me, isn't it?

Instead of thinking about the nogitsune, he tries to think of a word starting with every letter of the alphabet. When he runs out of words, and he's gone over every single letter, he does the same but with food. This only makes him hungry, so he quits when he gets to 'S'.

The door of the med room opens. His head turns to the door slowly. He follows Scott with his eyes as he walks in, some others following him inside. All of the gladers, most of the pack sit down or stand next to Thomas.

"We're getting you away from the nogitsune, Stiles," says Scott.

How?

"You're not getting rid of me anytime soon, Scotty," replies Void Thomas. "Not without my permission."

"Let me speak to Stiles," demands Scott. Thomas can't recall ever seeing him this determined.

"Or what, you'll kill me? Killing me kills Stiles," he says. "And you know it."

"Let me talk to Stiles," repeats Scott.

The nogitsune seems to hesitate for a little. "Fine," he says slowly.

Thomas returns, his eyes turn lighter. Thomas looks around, suddenly feeling a little disoriented. At the same time, it feels like he can finally breathe again. Like a giant weight has been lifted off his chest.

"Tommy?" asks Newt. He almost sighs in relief when he replies.

"Lizard," replies Thomas. His face is a sea of emotions, the waves are wildly going up and down but the wind is soft. His boat has sunk but he hasn't. He's still floating on top of the water. What if he sinks? "Scott, I really didn't mean what I said yesterday. It's not your fault I was taken, not that my father's dead. Newt, Minho, Gally, I'm so sorry for hurting you and..."

"It's not your fault," says Newt, cutting him off. "Quit blaming yourself, love."

If he weren't in this situation, he would've melted on the spot. Isn't it my fault, though? Did I let him in? Did he let himself in? That's rude of him. A faint ache embraces his head and chest.

"Do I deserve this?" he hadn't meant to say it out loud, but he did, making the whole room go quiet. It's like wind, life, and time have stopped existing. He wants to hit himself in the face for saying this out loud, but he can't. He's still tied to the bed.

"No," says Newt, immediately.

"It isn't," says Minho. When it looks like Thomas's going to argue about this with them, Minho continues, "You've saved a lot of people, you're selfless, you're kind, you're understanding. You're a good person, Thomas. You don't deserve any of this." 

Thomas manages to smile a little, tears starting to form when Void returns.

"Maybe he doesn't," says Void Thomas. "But you do," he says turning to the pack.

Questioning looks spread to everyone inside of the room.

Thomas screams loudly, letting out Void's anger and Thomas's protest altogether. He wildly pulls his hands away and screams even louder when he realizes he can't move them again. His stomach hurts as he keeps trashing around. Until he feels his hands are starting to bleed, his trashing doesn't reduce.

He stops trashing around. For a few seconds, Thomas feels like he's choking. He takes a deep breath, trying to get as much air inside of his lungs as possible.

All of the trashing made Thomas's shirt go up a little. A few gasps echo through the room. Above his hip, there's a scar. When they look better, they notice its multiple scars, lining next to each other horizontally. Melissa isn't very surprised, as she saw them when she was cleaning the stab wound. Newt's seen them before, too. Minho's never seen them, though Thomas thought about telling him a lot. His scars are something Thomas's ashamed of and really doesn't like talking about.

"Stiles's scars," says Void, realising what they're looking at. "You probably want to know more about those."

Please don't, thinks Thomas. If he could yell at Void, he would with all of his power.

Void Thomas chuckles out loud, "Well, Someone doesn't want me to tell you about them." Thomas's face turns even more pale.

Please don't tell them.

"Stiles used to be in a dark place, even before he got taken," says Void, his voice hoarse and quiet, but loud enough for everyone to hear. The back of Thomas's eyes burns, but he forces himself not to cry. "I could live on that mind for years. You know, like when he killed Donovan. All of that pain and guilt... You never really heard his side of the story. You... believed... Theo..., which... made... it.. worse..." Thomas desperately tries for Void to quit, starting to breathe heavily. It hurts for him to talk. "He's always there for you. Stiles..." silent sob "...hurt..."

Minho puts tape over his mouth. "Shut up. If Thomas wants to talk about this, he'll do so on his own terms."

Void groans whilst Thomas feels a little relieved and thankful. Newt covers Thomas's stomach with his shirt again, forcing out a smile to reassure him a little.

"It'll be okay, Tommy," he says. Everyone gets out to think about a way to kill the nogitsune. Melissa, Newt, and Fry stay. They need to give him something to eat and check his wrists after he'd trashed around so wildly. Other than that, Melissa stays to clean out the wound, Newt and Fry to keep him company whilst the others think of a solution.

It'll be okay.