Learning to Love - Natasha Romanoff and Maria Hill

Two

"I, um," Maria looked away.

Whatever she was about to say, Natasha knew that it would probably end up with Maria shutting her out after realizing she'd opened up. Natasha only knew that because it was what she would do, and despite it not seeming this way to most people, Natasha and Maria were actually very alike.

"Take your time, Maria. It's okay if you don't wanna tell me," Natasha placed a gentle hand on Maria's shoulder, her thumb rubbing soft circles over her shoulder blade.

"Can we just," Maria paused for a moment, as if thinking through her words,"Can we just sit here?"

Natasha nodded before realizing Maria's head was turned away from her, and she couldn't see her,"Yeah, whatever you need."

They sat on the couch for awhile, Natasha's hand ever lingering on Maria's shoulder before Maria began to break down. She didn't know what happened. Her body began to shake, and she started uncontrollably sobbing. Natasha just pulled her into her arms and ran her fingers through the brunette's hair. Maria just continued to cry but into her chest.

"It's okay. You're alright. You're gonna be alright, Masha," Natasha whispered sweet nothings to her.

Maria was crying too much to notice the pet name Natasha had used. After about an hour of things continuing like that, Maria pulled herself together but continued to let Natasha hold her. That's when she realized what was happening. She had never let herself properly grieve Ashley's death. She always did this, pretending like nothing happened, overworking herself as a distraction, and going on with life as if everything was normal. It had finally been to much. She couldn't keep it all in anymore. Ashley was gone, and she was never coming back. Natasha was sitting with her on the green, velvet couch where she used to comfort Ashley, now comforting Maria. She was sad. Maria Hill was sad, and she was letting someone else see her this way and wasn't self-conscious in the least. The Russian made her feel safe.

Natasha placed a light kiss on Maria's head, lingering there for a moment and allowing herself to breathe in the scent of Maria's shampoo before resting her chin on the American's head,"Do you want to talk about it?"

Maria thought for a moment. Did she want to talk about it?

She decided that maybe she did, but not right now,"Later."

Natasha nodded her head,"Okay," she whispered so quietly that she wasn't even sure Maria heard her,"Do you want to go back to your quarters?"

Maria nodded her head, which was still buried into Natasha's chest.

"Okay. Do you want to go now?"

Maria simply nodded again.

Natasha stood up, taking Maria's hand and seeing the hesitation in her eyes,"It's okay. No one will see. It's well past midnight."

Maria let Natasha help her up, and they walked down the hallway to the elevator, Maria never once letting go of Natasha's hand, as if she would have disappeared if she let go.

Once the two women made it back to the Helicarrier from the Triskelion and made it to Maria's quarters, Natasha found Maria comfy clothes that were suitable to sleep in and handed a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants to Maria. The taller woman silently took the clothes and made her way into the bathroom. When she came out, she found Natasha sitting on her bed, admiring a picture of Maria and her team in Iraq that was sitting on Maria's nightstand. That was almost ten years ago. Everyone in that photo was dead, except Maria, of course. Natasha watched Maria tuck herself into bed before standing up and heading toward the door.

"Need anything before I go?"

Maria shook her head.

"Alright. Goodnight, Masha," Natasha smiled reassuringly before opening the door and walking out, softly closing it behind her and going across the hall to her own quarters.

Natasha immediately collapsed onto her bed. She was also exhausted. The three hour nap she had taken earlier was quite possibly the most she'd slept at once since she came to S.H.I.E.L.D. The meeting she had with Fury went well. He had brought up the idea of her going on her first mission in a few days, and she was grateful for his trust.

That was when she heard footsteps approaching her door and a soft knock. Something was telling her that she shouldn't yell at whoever it was.

"Come in. It's open," Natasha sat up on her bed, smoothing over her hair as she heard the doorknob turn.

Much to her surprise, Maria Hill, who she'd thought would be snoring by now, was standing in her doorway.

"Tasha?"

"Maria?"

"Will, um," Maria could have kicked herself for all of the vulnerability she was showing,"Will you stay with me?"

Natasha was shocked. The thought of staying with Maria hadn't even crossed her mind. She didn't want to cross boundaries or make her uncomfortable.

Maria began to internally panic at Natasha's silence,"It's okay if you don't want to. I just- I don't think I should be alone right now."

"Yes, of course, Maria. Anything you need. I'm here," Natasha's lips curled into a soft smile.

Natasha opened her arms, and Maria closed the door before walking over to the redhead and collapsing into her arms. Maria fell asleep almost immediately. Natasha just laid there, staring up at the ceiling and stroking Maria's hair.

Eventually, Natasha woke up, not even realizing she had fallen asleep before finding that Maria was still asleep in her arms. She checked the time. It was 9:00 a.m. She hadn't slept that much in so long that she couldn't even remember the last time her body allowed her to sleep in until nine. She just closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep. It was her day off, and she wasn't going to waste it. She had also opened a text from Fury before she had drifted asleep telling her to make sure Hill didn't go into work that day and that she'd needed a day off for awhile.

She felt Maria stir, and watched as the brunette opened her sapphire blue eyes.

God, her eyes are so gorgeous. No. Stop that, Natalia. No feelings. Feelings are for the weak.

"How did you sleep?" Maria asked, her fingers tracing small lines over Natasha's collarbone.

"Really good," Natasha smirked,"And you?"

"Yeah, I slept really good too. You know, I haven't slept like that in awhile."

"I know," Natasha's fingertips danced across Maria's back.

"And you haven't either. From what I've seen."

"I know."

A/N : enjoy gays 🥱🥱