Malevolent (Tex Sawyer)

Malevolent: 25

There was a part of me that could not allow myself to shut off through sleep.

Through the darkness of night, all I could feel was dread. The fear of that one moment I could be here and clean, the next smothered in blood from head to toe with a mess of bodies around me. The stench, the sensation, it lingered on me tattooed into my bones and it held me back. Usually slumber could be an escape, a break away from the family but now as I stared at the outline of the door feeling my eyes sting in protest. My nails dug into the flesh of my arms, my chest rising and falling making its own melody like a hypnotic lullabye. I couldn't give in. My body hurt, my heart split but as I lay still I told myself to think of anything to try to keep a grip of things. It felt impossible. Each second that ticked away into the abyss was another into the unknown and I didn't want to risk it.

At my side, Tex slept soundlessly having fortunately turned away from having his arm clamped on my side. I thought of smothering him there as I had done so many times. Usually I was cuffed when beside him, he didn't trust me and rightfully so. This time was different though, this was more knowing that no matter how much I willed it, my body wasn't ready to move no matter how much I desired to.

Physically he had broken me.

"One day." I whispered to myself longingly. I hadn't even considered what came after escaping this house anymore. It was more what led up to the freedom and making sure that they could never follow where I tread. It was a fantasy that gave me joy, as much of it as I could get anyway. To truly get away and stay away, it would come with a body count with or without Heather being included. Tex, Junior, Alfredo and Tinker. They were the biggest threat. Mama could be evaded with stealth but that was something I did not currently have, my leg wouldn't allow me to stand let alone run. It made me frown to myself deeply, time luckily was not of the essence. I had accepted my prison for the most part but there was no denying that the thought of the family suffering though gave me some enjoyment or what was left of such an emotion.

Through the peace that came with most of the family seemingly asleep, I could hear the same thudding rhythm followed by the occasional grunt which showed that Alfredo was making the most of his new lady friend.

I pinched myself harder, breaking through the swollen skin of the bruises. The blood was a relief along with a pain that I was in control of and not a victim to. It made me dig them in deeper, a soft breath leaving my lips as I guided my nails deeper. I traced them down the length of my scarred wrists, following the light blue trail and biting against my healing lips in order to keep in the moan that came out as a reaction. The rest of my arm felt heavy and numb, willing to relent but along my wrist was a distraction enough. Watching the trail as red droplets spiralled along my flesh, I closed my eyes and inhaled like one would a drag. The air entered my nose and gave me the sensation of fresh air. The toes of my more mobile leg curled as I did, the world feeling lighter beneath me.

Until something breathed back.

My body jolted like electric, pain rippling before fading as my body protested from the sudden movement. Forcing my eyes open, I tried to take in the room and my surroundings instead just standing on the sand beside a long and familiar looking road, trees cascading the area. Taking a fleeting glimpse of my arm I immediately noticed the absence of scars and discolouration. Instead the skin was pale and adorned with a familiar beaded bracelet of multiple colours. Who had given me it was a memory long since gone. Flexing my arm, I took in the movement before doing the same with my injured leg that looked completely healed. Grimacing to myself I came to the conclusion that despite my efforts I had fallen asleep. Sighing at my failure, I nodded, simply accepting the situation for what it was. If anything I was grateful to be free from agony, temporarily away from the Sawyers and for the peace that came with it. The air was silent, the trees still as if being frozen inside a photograph. I tested the ground with my feet nudging the sand with the tip of my boot watching as the grains separated at the impact.
Stepping forwards, I started up the road which came with no other sight to see. The further I moved, the more things remained the same. Tucking strands of auburn hair behind my ear, I tried to detect any source of the air from before which seemed absent now. Realising I was making no progress walking forwards, I frowned to myself inhaling and closing my eyes.