𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃, jeremiah fisher

two. make him fall for you

I'M LYING IN bed with Vanessa sitting beside me watching Miss Congeniality on her laptop. I'm staring at the screen blankly, not really watching the movie at all.

I keep replaying earlier when Jeremiah barely spared me a glance as he walked away toward Belly Conklin. I've lived nearly a decade suppressing my feelings for him and pushing away any feelings of jealousy that have arisen.

But the way he looked at her...

It's different from the years before. As if he's really, truly falling in love with her and this summer may just be the one where she falls for him too.

Somehow, that is a million times worse than any time I've seen him kissing someone else at a party or flirting with someone. Because that means it's real.

It's not that I think I have a chance—I don't. I've never had a chance, and I never will. He hates me, or at the very least, is strongly annoyed at my existence. I ruined any chance I could have had when I was unnecessarily mean to him that summer before second grade. I didn't know how to express that I wanted to be his friend, so insults slipped out and now we're supposed to hate each other.

But that's the problem.

I don't hate him.

I never have, and it is so incredibly frustrating. He thinks the first time we met was when I called him out for being shorter than me, but that wasn't the first time we met.

We first met when I was sitting alone on a swing at the park a few blocks away from my house while all the other kids had friends and were sharing snacks with one another. I don't know why it was, but no one wanted to play with me. No one wanted to share the second swing with me.

And then a scrawny boy had come up to me and offered me a cookie—the only food he had—and grinned at me. He asked to take the swing beside me and then told me a lame joke I can't remember anymore but one that he said his mom had told him.

Maybe falling for him right then and there was a little premature, but I was six. I couldn't help it. Even after we started "hating" each other, I couldn't stop falling for him harder and harder every time he came back to Cousins for the summer.

He is everything I wish I could be. Smart and charming and funny and sweet and kind to everyone no matter what. I hate everything about him. I hate how he's so perfect all the time. I hate that he's nice to me even when he hates me. I hate that everyone adores him and wants to be his friend.

I fucking hate that I'm in love with him.

Six year old me can't forget that he sat with me when no one else did. That he cared when no one else did.

Maybe if he cared then, he could care again.

Maybe he can. Maybe, somehow, he could fall for me instead of another girl.

Or maybe I'm just kidding myself.

I rub at my brow and let out a small groan. Vanessa pauses the movie and looks over at me.

"You okay? Are you on your period? You can't be because I'm not yet. Oh shit, wait, can you check if I bled through my jeans? Ugh, these were new!"

I glare at her. "I'm not on my period, Vanessa."

She lets out a sigh of relief. "Oh, thank God." She pauses and then gives me a hard look. "So, why do you look like that then?"

I shrug.

She narrows her eyes and pokes me in the shoulder. "Rose. Seriously. Tell me what's going on."

I shake my head. "It's nothing."