The Land is Inhospitable and so are We (Chuuya x Reader)

the deal

"What would you do if it meant you could see him again?"

Y/n looked up from her work, surprised to see her brown haired friend perched on the corner of her desk.

"When did you get here?" she asked, placing the paper she was holding down on the desk and completely ignoring his question.

After the meeting last week they both had been drowning in memories. They both knew it too, but this was the first either had said or done about the matter.

Dazai opened his mouth to speak but, as if she saw something in his eyes, Y/n cut him off before a word could leave his lips.

"Don't back me into a corner, Dazai." she sharply warned, picking up the piece of paper once more and setting her gaze on it again.

He closed his mouth and the pair sat in silence for a moment. The office was mostly empty, most people having taken the day off to go to the local festival happening a few miles away. Y/n had said she would work that day because she had some paperwork she needed to finished and, of course, Dazai stayed with her. Always loyal.

"Why don't you call me by my first name?" he asked softly.

This question seemed to surprise the seated girl even more than his first one had. She looked up at him with a scrutinizing stare, her eyes making their way across every little bit of his face. Dazai felt like he was being read like a book, he had noticed her returning to some of her old ways lately and this was one of them.

"Why would I?" she said at last. 

"We've been friends for ten years practically. I think that qualifies us as being close."

"Yes but I don't call any of my other long term friends by their first names."

"What about-" the name died on his lips as he caught her glare and he cleared his throat, beginning again, "I call you by your first name."

Y/n sighed, returning to her work once more.

"You've always called me by my first name, Dazai."

"And? Why does that keep you from calling me mine?"

"Dazaiii!" she groaned, throwing her head back.

"Sorry, sorry."

"It's okay, I didn't mean to snap at you. I'm sorry."

He looked over at her and saw that she meant her apology.

"It's okay." he said, placing a hand on her head which she, for once, allowed to stay, "You still down to go out tonight?"

——

He had drunk a little bit more than he meant to this time on their weekly night out. Y/n had too, but Dazai was too far gone to even notice that.

They exited the bar in a cloud of laughter and stupid jokes. Suddenly Y/n fell silent and Dazai caught on quickly, worry seeping into him. In a fluid motion, she pointed at the sky.

"Look at the moon." she said happily, a dreamy smile on her face "She's so lovely tonight, isn't she?"

Dazai hummed his reply and Y/n laughed, turning to face him.

"You didn't even look!" she complained and he shrugged.

"I had something better to look at."

Red flooded into Y/n's cheeks and she looked at the ground.

"Don't say things like that."

"Ah, but you're so cute when you're flustered, let me see."

The alcohol was making him brave beyond belief as he lifted her face to meet his, holding it in his hands. Y/n met his eyes for only a moment before she took herself out of his grip and cleared her throat. The pair leaned up against the brick exterior of the bar, gazing out at the stars in silence.

"Please say it." Dazai said at last, unable to stop himself, "At least once."

"I say your first name all the time." Y/n responded, immediately catching on. 

"Only when you're saying my full name."

They were silent again and Dazai felt fear pounding in his chest. 

"Osamu." she said at last, her tongue seeming to relish every syllable, "There, I said it. Are you happy?"

"As happy as I'll ever be."

He offered her his arm which she took and the pair began to walk home.

"Oh! What a handsome couple!" they heard an older woman say to her husband as they passed, "They remind me of us twenty years ago."

"If only they knew." Y/n laughed slightly. 

"We could be." Dazai said softly and Y/n stopped walking, "We could be couple. We could be together. I could make you happy, Y/n."

Now facing one another Y/n took both his hands in her own, refusing to meet his gaze.

"No we can't." she said, matching his tone, "You know that."

"But why?" the question had come out harsher than he had meant it to. 

"You know why." was all she said before dropping his hands.

They began to walk again and Dazai's mind once more went to the question he couldn't seem to get around today.

"What would you do if it meant you could see him again?"

Y/n sighed, she knew there was no getting avoiding it this time. They were both too drunk, and it was far too late, and they were both too in love with different people.

"Anything." she said simply, "I'd sell my soul to the night to see his smile just one more time and know that I was the cause of it."

"Someone else could hold your heart twice as well as he ever could."

"And who would want it, bloody as it is." Y/n ruefully replied. 

"I would. I always have, since the first day I met you."

"It would be miserable, Dazai. You know that. You'd grow to hate me because I could never love you the way you wanted me to. I already gave my heart away, it's not mine to give anymore."

The rest of the walk to their apartments was done in silence. When they reached her door, Y/n hesitated. Key in the lock, she turned to face him.

"We can still be friends, right?" She said, her voice very small. 

"Of course we can, I couldn't live without you." Dazai admitted.

She nodded her head once and without another word, disappeared into her apartment, leaving Dazai standing alone by the closed door.

Edited: January 27th, 2024