𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐘𝐨𝐮

𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙𝙗𝙮𝙚

set at the end of season two, episode eight of the shadow and bone tv show.
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"Kaz. Did you even hear me?" Nina frowned, nudging his arm. He flinched. "Inej is leaving in-"

"I heard you." He snapped, cutting Nina off. Of course he heard her. He knew Inej was leaving, he'd known for two days, because two days ago was the last time he had seen her. He'd been avoiding her since their moment in the church, because he couldn't bring himself to look at her without hating himself and wanting what he couldn't have more.

"What are you going to do?" Nina's questions were persistent, and at that moment Kaz would have much rather broken her arm than answer, but he reminded himself that she was a crow now. And crows look out for each other. "You have ten minutes until you potentially never see your wraith again."

"She isn't my wraith anymore." Kaz's eyebrows drew together as he scowled.

"Saints, Kaz, for the man who manages to plan out elaborate heists, you are incredibly stupid. Of course she's yours. She's always been yours, and not because of business. She's yours the way you're hers, and no money will ever change that. So go and say goodbye, you idiot."

"I've already said goodbye." His face darkened, but he knew that he had a chance to see her one more time before he left, that he had a chance to say everything he'd left unspoken. And he ran. Well, hobbled. He hobbled as quickly as he could through the hallways of the fort until he was out in the daylight, blinking. He could see her about to board the ship, and he quickened his pace. By the time she was on board, he was close enough to see Tolya help her up, close enough to see the look he gave her as she placed her hand in his. He frowned as doubt began to inch its long fingers closer and closer towards him, reaching out to pull him in. He ignored it.

"Inej!" He called. "Inej, wait!"

She stopped. Dropped her hand from Toyla's and turned around. And there she was, his wraith. She climbed back down the gangplank and they met in the middle, on the little dock built to board the ship.

"Kaz, I can't stay." She said.

"I know." He answered, watching her expression in order to calculate his next move. Was she upset? Did she want him to beg her again? Or was she happy? Did she never want to see his bastard face again? He couldn't tell. "I came to say goodbye."

"Goodbye, Kaz." A small smile slid across her face, making his insides turn unpleasantly warm.

"Goodbye." He turned to go back, but Jordie's voice echoed inside his mind. He stopped mid-turn.

What is the worth of life if you have no one left to fight for? He'd said. Kaz had always had himself to fight for, and that had always been enough. Maybe he would die with no mourners, and maybe he would have no funeral. But maybe Jordie was right. Maybe life was worth more when he had his people to share it with. His person.

"Come back." He said abruptly. "Come back to me. I don't deserve you, Inej, I know that. But I'm going to try to be better." He said gently, stepping close to her. He reached out with a gloved hand to touch her cheek, tracing her skin down to her lips, where he let it rest. One day he would do that without his gloves on, when he could feel her without his armour. That day was not today, but it would happen. He would make it happen, because the thought of seeing his Inej with anybody else, the thought of knowing that he was not enough, the thought of living with the fact that he'd lost the best thing he'd ever had, made dread crawl up his spine. "I'm going to try to deserve you, Inej Ghafa."

Her lips opened as she began to speak and he moved his hand away, but she caught his arm as he let it drop. "No mourners." She whispered.

"No funerals."