Longing

06/2033

PHOTO

A hand holding a small red box.

In the background is an ocean.

Dear Aton,

Your mom is right.

One of my fatal flaws in this life is never having the guts to choose things for myself.

You see, I have always let other people choose my life for me.

It was never my choice when my mother sent me to the seminary as early as high school.

It was never my choice when I got sent to a Manila seminary.

I signed the papers against my will when I got ordained.

It was an order when I stayed even when I always knew I did not have every reason to say.

It was a dead man's favor when I stood up as a father.

It was an absolute order when I stayed in the office I had to set on fire.

Those stupid decisions in life made me the miserable man that I am today.

I deeply, deeply, deeply regret not having a voice in any of them.

But looking back, at least, I was able to make one good decision for myself years ago.

It's deciding to hold your mom's hand when I was still a stupid, young seminarian.

So, Ayrton.

I hope you grow up to be a good man who could have all the freedom in the world to make a choice.

And more than freedom, of course, the courage.

The courage to choose the love and the good that you want, even when the entire world says it's never meant for you.

Ang dami nang sinabi. Hehe.

But long story short, kiddo.

I'm finally glad to be able to make a choice for myself again, after a decade.

It's in this little piece of box that I bought around 13 years ago.

Aton.

I can finally let go of it now.

So take care of your mom very well.

Make sure she doesn't stay in ConCab overtime because she's received a couple of memos already.

Bawasan ang manok. May allergy pala siya.

Bawasan ang kape. Nagpa-palpitate na rin siya.

Bawasan ang galit sa opisina. Hindi worth it magalit sa mga katrabaho.

Matulog nang maaga. Sumasagot pala 'yan sa email nang alas-dos.

Pagsabihan na may mga trabaho na p'wede pang ipagpabukas.

Hindi naman siya mauubusan ng bukas. Lagi naman siyang mahihintay ng bukas. :)

I loved her so so so so so so so much for 16 long years.

I'm pretty sure I will always love her for the remaining years of my life.

But I will decide not to, this time.

Hindi na.

So grow up well.

I hope you still say hi to Lily whenever your paths cross. You'll still see her all the time, I'm sure of that.

See you when I see you.

Kuya Moey