"...unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before."
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Samantha
I couldn't be more disappointed. How could the person I am supposed to be marrying in three months leave me stranded in my baby's father's club? I mean, did she want me to have to rely on him for help?
I still can't fathom how I deserved to get choked out like a bitch on the street.
I put my hands on her too... but a few punches and a push to the back? I don't see how the proper reaction was to take my breath away.
But I guess I should've kept my hands to myself.
After a handful of calls to January, her phone started going straight to the answering machine. I decided to take that as I am on my own. My fiancee did not care where I laid my head for the night. One thing is for certain, I wouldn't be lying next to her.
I caress the skin of my neck. It was smothering under my touch. Given how hard she squeezed my tiny, little, yellow neck..., I knew it would bruise. Hell, it might already be. I chuckle to myself a bit finally picking myself up off the floor. I plop on the sofa dropping my phone out of my hand. I reach over grabbing my purse off the the end table next to me. I open it up reaching inside and pulling out a compact mirror. My neck appears red, but not bruised. At least for now.
I lounge in the chair a bit and fester in my emotions. What the hell else could I do?
I had been questioning shit lately. I try not to. Somehow, those thoughts always come to my head. I'm not trying to live in the past but damn!
Hear me out.
I did not want to have a baby. I can't stress that enough. I wasn't ready before and I'm still not now. Okay, yes, I did pop the baby one time but he had been crying and crying. I was trying to breastfeed. That was already... uncomfortable for lack of better words. All I could think of was how much I did not want this. It wasn't okay and that's not an excuse. Then, of course, I should've been on birth control or a shot or something...
I guess I wasn't thinking about that.
"You stupid bitch" I chuckle to myself dabbing away tears. I will not ruin this makeup. I yank my ring off my finger and slip it into the zipper part of my purse.
Long story short, I have some resentment for January. In a way, she pulled this whole getting married thing out of her ass to stop me from getting an abortion.
Little ole' me goes along with anything she says. Sometimes I think back to how we got here. How many times January has shat all in my face and I take her back and she does it again.
'KNOCK KNOCK!'
Something to interrupt my thoughts.
I rise to my feet opening the door in one quick motion or at least, that's how it felt to me. It was the food. I apologize for having the door shut. I remember the whole 'no shut door until you get your food' policy. She knocked so damn hard my heart was racing.
