"...unrequited love does not die; it's only beaten down to a secret place where it hides, curled and wounded. For some unfortunates, it turns bitter and mean, and those who come after pay the price for the hurt done by the one who came before."
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Samantha
I pick up a pair of organic diapers off the shelf. I peer at them "I mean, I guess there organic" I shrug tossing it in the basket. I grab a few more along with some organic wipes. The baby already had all kind of clothes and shoes; January had no problem buying tons of boy stuff. I go down each baby isle pretty much getting a few of everything. I wanted to be prepared.
January had to go to therapy. I could've stayed home and just waited for her but for some reason, I just didn't want to. So, I got my butt up and went to Target, parked in the expectant mother lot and here I am.
I'm 27 and I have no idea what I am doing. I'm just throwing everything in the basket. I've never changed a diaper. I've barely had any kind of interaction with babies. I am terrified beyond belief about the whole ordeal but I should be able to handle it with January's help, of course.
It would be rather helpful if she was here now.
"Hey, you need some help?" I look up at this beautiful woman. She was absolutely stunning. My heart was only for January but I had no problem giving credit where it was due.
"I guess I could use some help" I blush, putting the baby formula back on the shelf. "How am I supposed to know if I need to get soy formula or not?" I question frustrated by all the options of the same damn thing. I am too indecisive.
"Well, it'll be very rare that your baby would be allergic to regular formula. How far along are you?" she inquires smiling at me looking all pretty and whatnot.
"I'm 26 weeks" I announce caressing my big belly.
"You don't have much longer. I have three kids. So, I guess I know a lot about babies" she giggles recommending me her favorites of each baby related item. I agreed to everything the pretty lady said.
Not because she was pretty but because I had no clue about babies.
January had tons of experience in that department. She grew up with a lot of cousins, which meant a lot of babysitting.
The thought of a shitty diaper honestly horrified me.
But I guess my blessings came in all sort of ways. I had this gorgeous blonde woman helping me pick out things I needed for my baby but I couldn't help but think about January.
She told me about her conditions and a load of other things I couldn't believe but I knew was true.
I didn't look at her any differently but it's kind of like dropping a big glass jar of pickles on the floor. You can cry over it all you want but you still have to clean it up... I don't know where I'm going this... Maybe I'm just craving pickles.
I beeline to the pickles "brb!" I shout dashing off. I lock my eyes with the enormous jar filled of old cucumbers, grinning from ear to ear. I struggle to get the jar in the cart but it will be worth it later, definitely.
