Little Quileute

Cross My Heart

Josie hated looking at her body.

But, despite that fact, the younger Swan had forced herself to look into her mirror every morning since she'd arrived at Forks. Every morning. She was always fully clothed, not trusting herself to see her fully naked form without breaking down. She would stare for almost a half hour at her mangled frame. She'd trace her finger over her skin and her hands would tremble.

The scars. The scars are what bothered her the most.

She knew no matter how much time would pass, she would still bear them, inside and out. Her bruises would fade, sure. However, her memories wouldn't and the scars only painted reminders of those times. She would always be that girl.

The starved. The bruised. The bleeding. The controlled.

She hated looking at her body.

But, here she was, doing that very thing.

Josie stares into the mirror, her breath deepening at the sight of her own reflection. She could feel the back of her eyes burn as she scanned over her figure. But, she blinks away the feeling and slowly lifts her shirt- her hands shaking. She could feel her throat tighten at the sight of her spotted abdomen.

She'd been here for almost four months and her body still had proof of her father's cruelty. The most severe bruises built up from months- maybe even years of beatings were now a dark yellow mixed with the occasional purple. They were still sore and made her wince if she pressed hard enough.

But, she could see the deep and thick pink scar peeking from around her back. The clean slice wrapped around her ribs like a hug. The scar had been there for at least four years, but she was always taken aback by the sight. It was so harsh and contrasting against her skin. It made her nauseous looking at it.

She could remember the day she got it like it was yesterday.

She could still see her father's face. She could see all of their faces. She could remember every single man that had ever touched her. She would never forget. They would always be there in the back of her mind.

Josie angrily drops her shirt back down and presses her hand over her mouth as she feels her stomach turn. Her eyes well with tears and she squeezes her eyes shut to stop them. However, she has to lean against the counter to keep herself upright when the memories begin flashing behind her eyelids.

She told everyone.

Everyone knows. She thought, completely horrified by her outburst from earlier.

Suddenly, two gentle knocks sounded on the door causing Josie to flinch and snap her eyes open.

"Bambi?" She heard Jake's voice. She shook her head vigorously at the sound as she felt the first tear roll down her cheek.

The four of them had been back at the pack house for twenty minutes now. But, Josie hadn't spoken to her imprints since her outburst. The run back had been completely silent and Josie had slid off of Embry's back as soon as they stopped in front of the house. She'd run into the bathroom and locked herself in.

She knew she was being childish by locking herself up, but she couldn't bring herself to face them. She was too embarrassed and she knew they would be too.

They hated me. Her thoughts echoed through all four of their minds as a silent sob wracked through her body.

"Baby.." Paul suddenly whispers against the door.

"We don't hate you..." He trails off as if hesitating his next words. It takes him a few seconds to compose himself before he finally continues.

"My dad- he used to-" Josie could hear him take a deep breath.

"He used to hit me too." He admits causing Josie's heart to sink to her stomach. Her sobbing stops and she stares at the door with a pained expression.

"I know how hard it is, baby. I wanted to hide too..." He continues, his voice sounding broken. Josie's feet move on their own as they take her towards the door. She set her hand flat on the door, pressing her forehead to the surface as silent tears ran down her face. She listened.

"I wanted to hide and I did. I hid behind my anger for a long time, baby." He says. She could feel him press his own hand to the door as she took a deep breath in.

"But, I don't want you to be like me. Don't hide, Josie." Paul's voice comes out breathy.

"Don't hide like me, baby." He practically begs.

"Paulie." She said, her voice strained and desperate.

"Open the door, baby. We're here..." He says.

"All of us. I promise." Paul whispers. 

Josie listens to his breathing and closes her eyes for a second. The small girl took a deep breath in and another before lifting her head from the door. She opens her eyes and looks at the doorknob.

"Pinky promise?" She asks. There are a few moments of silence again before he answers.

"Cross my heart and hope to die," Paul promises. Josie smiles weakly at his words and sniffles. She stares down at the doorknob and finally twists the lock, hearing the click as it unlocks. Josie immediately backs away from the door. But, it swings open and she meets eyes with Paul. He leans against the door, his palms on each side of the frame. 

Paul scans her figure for any injuries and watches as her eyes immediately begin to water. His features soften and her lips tremble in an attempt not to cry. 

"Come here, baby." He says and that's all it takes for Josie to break down for the second time that day. Josie practically collapses into his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist and tucking her face into his chest. Her sobs shake her whole body and Paul runs his fingers through her hair. He rests his chin on the top of her head, listening to her cries. 

"I'm sorry!" Josie sobs, her voice muffled.

"I'm so sorry!" She repeats causing Paul to shake his head.

"No. No, hey. Look at me." He says, his voice low. Josie only shakes her head.

"Look at me, Josie." He orders firmly. She listens and slowly lifts her head, his fingers underneath her chin. Paul watches her tears roll down her red cheeks, her nose bright red and her lips swollen.

"This was not your fault, my love.... none of this is." He says sternly. Josie is taken aback by the pain in his voice. It was almost raspy as his eyes scanned over every inch of her face. Paul then cups her face with such fragility that it makes Josie's heartache.

"None of it, Josie. None of it. What your father did to you was cruel and heinous. I can't even imagine what you've gone through. I cannot fathom how someone would want to hurt a spirit as pure as yours." Paul speaks with such passion that Josie cannot stop her lips from trembling once again.

"But, I can tell you that Embry, Jake, and I will never think of you any differently. We could never judge you for something out of your control. We care about you too much." He finishes. It's silent for a moment as the pair take each other in, Paul running his fingers through her hair and Josie's hands gripping onto his shirt as tight as possible.

"Do you understand me?" He asks, looking into her glassy doe eyes. Josie bites her lip to stop the trembling and nods her head.

"No. I need you to use your words, my love." He orders gently making the small girl finally take in a deep breath.

"Y-yes.." She struggles to get out.

"Yes." She repeats in a firmer tone, sniffling.

"And I care about you too."