The way I feel.......(#Wattys 2015)

December 23

December 23

11:45PM

Dear future self,

It rained today. Rain for me is a mix of a lot of things. I love the chill that comes with it. Every droplet touching your body giving you a penultimate feel itself. You want more. And you want it until you are drenched in it. I like the people who smile in the rain. Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet. 

For one rain to me seems like the sky shedding its tears, mourning the death of a loved one. Just like my heart. Crying every bit of it left.

But rain also, for some odd reason, makes me want to fall in love. Have someone hold me in the middle of the night telling me that everything will be okay and everything will turn out just the way I wanted it to be.

You see, I am still grasping on to straws. I still look at the positive aspects of something. Good or Bad? Anyway..... 

The sky looks so beautiful. The mixture if grey, purple, blue and white shows the creativity of the creator, if there is one. And the rainbow, is hope to me that the storm will surely end and I will get to see the rainbow.

Reality #14: A lie told a 100 times, becomes greater than the truth.

Yep honey, that is true. I think the more I pretend to be fine, the easier all of it becomes. I believe that one day I'll stop pretend being fine not because I'm tired of it, because I'll actually be okay. I'll be genuinely happy. I won't have to be someone who I'm not. Because the person you will see then will also be the same person just the mask I wore became powerful and became my true face. That's what I'm living by.

Reality #15: Trust is hard but necessary.

Since man is a social animal, it doesn't matter how hard you try you will have to be with people. And trusting them is something necessary. Trust is not telling them every single detail of your life. It is the bond you have with them which allows you to say anything without giving it a second thought, and counting on them on hard times. Just let them know that you are in a problem and they will help you. If they don't, they aren't the right people to be with.

But most importantly trust yourself. Trust yourself that you will get through this too. This too shall pass. As I said before, you've survived a lot and you will survive whatever is coming. You need to give people the access to your heart, only then will you be saved. 

"I know you are happy, cause I can see it

So tell the voice inside your head to believe it."

Love, 

Maria.