A Song of War

four

non est ad astra mollis e terris via 

there is no easy way from the earth to the stars 

*       *       *

Despite being sicker than I have ever been before, the days that followed were the happiest of my life.

Conrad continued to come, bringing with him Rose and sometimes his father, Draco. I thought of that boy from Harry Potter, but Conrad's dad is the complete opposite.

He's silent and dark. Conrad and he share the same features. They seem to be copies of each other, and it makes me happy that in a small way, I am able to get a glimpse into the future of what Conrad might look like when he grows up.

I can't say that I look like mama. We share the same hair color but she told me I got my eyes from my dad. I quickly push those thoughts away. It always hurt me when I pictured the long hair I once had. Mama was the one who had cut it for me. She had cried while holding my hair, kissing the strands and wiping her tears away with it. Mama loved her hair, so I knew, in a way, that she had loved mine also.

I think Conrad's family takes turns sitting with me when he can't come. It's summer time- I don't think school goes in the summer, but Conrad tells me that he is very busy learning about his family business. Whenever he can, I ask him to tell me about school, and what it's like.

Right now it's Draco's turn to sit with me. At first, he was very quiet. I was nervous, unsure if I should ask him questions. Surprisingly he had been the one to start the conversation.

"I know you're sick. And I know it's not your fault. But I also know you're strong, and you've fought a lot of battles, little girl. So I'm just asking that you be gentle with my son. He's seen some darkness, but he's seen nothing compared to you."

His words had immediately captured a piece of my soul. I recognized something in him as he sat next to my bed, not bothering to pull back his words. It's what I wished the majority of people did. Of all people to find it in though, I never expected this stranger.

"I know," I whispered, "I'm trying."

His smile was small, and I wondered what it would look like if he had a full smile on his face. I was able to see that soon though. We talked, and I began to fall in love with Conrad's family.

I began to fall in love with Rose's soft touches and soothing words. With Dracos' advice and conversation, his book recommendations, and the art supplies he brought for me. I fell in love with how Conrad would hold my hand, how his face would show pain when I wasn't able to express mine.

I loved them.

I stared up at the ceiling, struggling for breath. I wish things were different. I wish I could go to school, or step outside, or eat a full cupcake.

I hear Dracos' whispered words as he tries to comfort his son. Rose told lies to Conrad, but Draco and I had an understanding that the truth was better when it was heard.

It had been a month since meeting Conrad in the hall that one fateful night.

I've had talks with him, trying to make him see the reality of my life, but he would refuse to listen. He didn't want to hear. My dragon didn't want to stop his job in protecting me.

"I'm going to die," I Remember saying those words to Draco, watching how he processed them.

"Maybe," he said.