Hindi Tayo Puwede (BL)

x. ako (part two)

(trigger warning: sexual assault, hate, slurs)

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I liked to think that my father did not totally abandon me when he decided to send me off here in the Philippines. Siguro nga ay desperado ako, pero masisisi mo ba ako? Kung may parte sa akin na naghihintay pa rin sa tira-tirang pagmamahal ng isang ama kahit na hindi ko iyon ni minsan naramdaman?

Maybe I was as hopeless as my mother when I kept begging for some love from a ruthless man. I was probably really disillusioned as I continued to paint him as a good father despite all the hate I received from him just because he let me off easy after the fiasco I left him back in Japan.

Lukas...fuck—If only you knew how I ruined his name and almost made him lose the company he poured his soul into...if only you realized the shame that I brought upon our family...if you just see how dirty and sick I am and maybe, just like everyone else, you'll question too why he let me live.

I was not even sure if I could be mad at him for sending me here. The man provided me with a house and money to buy myself food and other necessities. He even enrolled me in a private school, where I met you. I didn't know his reasons, but these simple things were enough for me to keep clinging to him.

Does that make me pathetic, Lukas? Huh? Does loving a man like him make me look desperate to have a family?

"You are the transfer student, right? The one that pulled some strings to get in here? Gin, is it?"

"What? The Takemitsu bastard who got kicked from his last school because of a scandal? Ito siya? The hell. I thought he was bigger than this. I never saw his video."

"I saw it. Kadiri pare!"

"I heard even his dad disown him coz' of it."

"Ooooh, narinig ko 'yun sa brother ko. Man, we have a celebrity here, huh?"

"Oo siya 'yan. I saw that Del Fuego bastard followed him like some dog yesterday. I don't know why, but maybe he swings the other way like this one."

Mag-aalas kwatro na iyon nang hapon, kakahiwalay ko lamang sa'yo nang maabutan nila ako sa parking lot. Walang tao bukod sa amin at agad nila akong pinalibutan at hinarangan ng daan.

There were five of them, and they were all wearing their uniforms when they confronted me. I was uncertain as to what grade they were in, but they all looked strong and intimidating. They were laughing as they easily towered over me, and I immediately thanked Kami that you were not with me.

Ano na lang kaya ang sasabihin mo kung makikita mo akong ganito kahina?

"Tama naman 'di ba? Ikaw 'yun? We've been looking for you since last week!"

Gumalaw ng kusa ang mga kamay ko at itinaas ito para maprotektahan ang aking ulo. Wala pa man silang ginagawa ngunit alam ko na ang mangyayari sa akin. 'Di ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ako napasama sa ganitong sitwasyon at alam na ng katawan ko ang kailangan nitong maprotektahan.

Once, my father hit me right in the face and bashed my head on the cement, and I didn't wake up for days. I probably looked like an idiot as I continued to cower in front of them, but it didn't matter. They could hit my body however they liked, but I couldn't afford to be hit in the head again and wake up days later. My father would know I was involved in a fight, and I was sure he wouldn't like it.

You will probably hear about it too, and I know I will be ashamed to even face you if that happens. Sino ba ang gustong maka-ugnayan ang isang talunan? I will just be a stain—a dirt—in your golden dais.