Baby steps

Week 14A - Heart - P1

The letter is read,
Adora feels mislead,
and the camp are in dread.

S5 EP12.

~

When Adora woke up the next morning, she immediately went for a burning shower. Whilst the camp out didn't have working showers, Darla still did. And Adora needed to be clean - she felt dirty. Not from her hookup with Catra last night, no.

Well, yes.
but also no.

She loved that feeling. Sure, the orgasm was great, but the feeling of Catra's hands on her body in ways other than the desire to hurt her... it felt nice. Why did it feel nice? Adora wasn't sure. Liar. She knew why. She loved Catra - but she knew Catra didn't feel the same. She probably needed a release. Glimmer had told her that sometimes people just have sex for no reason other than release. After a stressful week, day, month, meeting, mission, whatever.

Adora scrubbed her hair, only slightly embarrassed when she pulled a twig and some leaves out of it. She scrubbed her body harshly until it grew raw. Only when she broke skin did she stop. Adora remained under the boiling hot of the water for several minutes after, simply existing. There was so much she had to work through... Adora swallowed thickly, flapping her hands nervously, feeling the panic attack creeping from the darkness of her mind. The blood pounded in her ears. Her heart thudded in her chest. Her hands shook. Her feet tingled. Her vision warped, as if she were looking through a fish-eye lens.

Adora shuddered. She had to... get away. The water continued burning her back, but Adora didn't register it. She lowered herself to her knees, feeling them quake dangerously under her weight. Tears burned her eyes as they left, stinging her red raw cheeks in their paths. She clutched the metallic bars of the shower, her hands wrapped so tightly around it that her nails dug into her palms. Breathing was hard. Really hard. As if she'd just run the 50-klick Galebreath Gauntlet.

She cried harder, her chest growing tight as bile rose in her throat.

"Your body statistics indicate that you are experiencing a panic attack, She-Ra. Would you like assistance?" Darla's voice rang in the room. Adora scratched at her chest, as if she could open it and force her lungs to accept more oxygen. Her vision began to grow splotchy at the edges. "If you do not acknowledge the message, I will be forced to alert for help as per my protocol," Adora could only wheeze for breath pitifully. "Your panic attack seems to be worsening. I have alerted for female help. Estimated time of arrival is twenty two seconds," Adora's head smacked against the metal walls, her neck unable to support it anymore.

The door slammed open. Somebody rushed in, but everything was a frantic blur of colours - nothing was solid enough to identify. "Adora, you're having a panic attack, ok?" The voice sounded vaguely familiar, but not enough to her panic addled brain. "I'm going to touch you, ok?" Adora jerked a nod, coherent enough to understand that. If she weren't in the shower, and naked, then the question probably wouldn't have been asked. But she was... and it was.

Her hand made contact with something clothed. "You feel that? Try and match my breathing," The voice said. Adora flexed her fingers, feeling the rise and fall of the persons chest. She tried to make her lungs cooperate, but they refused, insisting on staying too small for her body. She jerked her head. "Can't- I can't!" She gasped. "Ok, that's ok. We'll try something new," The voice kept her hand on taste chest. "Name me one thing you can taste," The voice said. Adora blinked frantically. "Come on, Adora. Name me one thing you can see," They said again. Adora's tongue felt too heavy for her mouth. "Um... my-my tongue," She stuttered. The voice hummed. "Ok. Now, two things you can hear," Adora's head began to grow fuzzy with the little amount of oxygen. "Water... you," She gasped out. "Good... now, three things you can feel," The voice sounded slightly clearer. Adora flexed her fingers and toes. "Um... metal... your sh-shirt and... um... water?" She tried. The voice hummed again. "Good. Four things you can smell?" The fuzz in her brain dissipated slightly. "Shampoo," she said. "Um... the- toilet cleaner... you and... a-uh-" She sniffed the air. "Uh... soap,"