The Unmarked Mate

Chapter 74

Elestren

This day had drained me of all my self-control, what was supposed to be a quiet moment of shopping to find something to make me feel comfortable and right, had turned sideways in a blink of an eye. In the years, I had found places to buy things I could fit in that still looked elegant and sharp, I had almost forgotten the smug attitude of uptight luxury clothes shop owners and their idea of the women who were good enough for their clothes, which by all account, especially for a lycan, wasn't me. The council at least, I expected something like that. I always made sure to know what battle I was walking in, James had told me about them, George had too a long time ago, and then Cat this morning.

But no matter how much I expected this, it didn't mean it made it any easier. I was tired of having to fight for everything, indeed fighting for my very existence since far too long. This was exactly what I expected. Encounters with Maddison and Oswald had convinced me that this place would not be swayed easily by me. On the way, I heard whispers, wondering if I was the one, the beast, the half-breed, the mate. I hated how everyone used the word mate as if it was something that only happened by coincidence, a mistake. These people had no respect for the Goddess, for what her gift bestowed upon us all.

Once I entered the house, I was surrounded by the familiar smell that meant home. But I was not ready to let go of all that anger from the day and I didn't want to taint that sweet perfume with the stench of my rage. I quickly changed not to damage the beautiful pants and shirt I had found in the little shop, the old black human lady with her white dreadlocks had been the beckon of hope in my day, she reminded me of Alisha Williams. She had found me this outfit and I was grateful for her sweetness. I grabbed some leggings and a sport bra, not even bothering with a shirt and climbed down the stairs. I had spotted a punching bag yesterday so I took it and went outside. The cold biting my skin felt good, it would help me cool down. I hung it on a branch of one of the strong oaks of the large garden and started pounding my bare hands at it. I let myself be consumed by that rage, letting it all out, letting it boil up my blood.

Fuck them! Fuck all of them! If they want a fight I'll give them one! I will not cower down! I will stay there! They don't understand! They will never understand me or the love I bear for James!

Too many people had tried to keep me away from him and from who I was supposed to be! Lucius! I punched the bag. Alfred! I punched the bag. All the people who called me fat! I punched the bag. All the people who called me half-breed. I punched the bag. All the people who made me a pariah! I punched the bag. All the lycans who despised me! I punched the bag. All the lycans who feared me! I punched the bag. All the men who thought they were better than me only because I was a woman! I punched the bag. Elias who thought he could call me a whore! I punched the bag. Maddison who thought she could seduce James away from me! I punched the bag. Oswald who insulted my pack, my werewolf side, who suggested James would leave me! I punched the bag! These dickheads Humphrey and Barnett who presumed to threaten me and tried to belittle me! I punched the bag. The stares, the whispers, the hush tones, the sneers, the pain I couldn't even feel anymore! I punched the bag.

I punched it again and again, oblivious to the world around me, oblivious to its cold, to its sounds, to everything. I blocked everything from me, I blocked anyone from mindlinking me. At some point I punched the bag so hard the hinge snapped and it fell on the ground. Before I could start to kick it and reduce it to shreds big arms surrounded me and all my anger left my body. I let myself drown in his scent. James was worth all that, but I didn't like when he saw me like this. Still, I needed him, I needed the serenity he brought me. I turned around and held him in a tighter embrace, my head resting on his fast-beating heart. I let my body cool down against him. He didn't say anything right away, he knew to just stay here with me. After what seemed to be hours, I was completely calm again, my body had cooled down. He let me go and I felt ashamed of myself, ashamed of letting myself get hurt, ashamed of letting him see me like that. I lowered my gaze.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." I confessed, he put his hand under my chin and made me look up to meet his gaze. His eyes were sad and had the same guilt one could see in mine, but there was so much love that transpired through it.

"What did I tell you yesterday? There isn't anything you can go through that would make me love you less. I'm sorry I wasn't there with you. I'm sorry this place isn't the home you hoped for, not yet anyway." He painfully admitted. I cupped his face, gently, my hand was too sore for anything else anyway.

"You are my home James." He went to kiss the palm of my hand but he looked at it with sudden worry.

"You're bleeding my love. Does it hurt?"

"Not really, but it should so let's get inside and put some ice on it." I smiled to him, I wanted him to know his plea for me to take better care of myself had not completely fallen into deaf ears. He seemed to agree.

Once inside, he gently put my right hand under the water to clean away the blood. The left one was already bruised but I didn't use it as much as the right, so I never broke skin. The cold felt good. He brushed a gentle kiss on it.

"Next time, at least tape them up."

I nodded, thankful that he didn't try to change me or to convince me that it was foolish. He accepted that side of me, that darkness in my eyes as he called it, that lonely pain I couldn't bring myself not to feel. We went to the couch, laying my back against his chest. My hands still in ice, we read the same book he held in front of us. He asked me to choose and I picked a chronicle on the reign of Queen Elizabeth I, I wanted to learn about the things he liked. After some time, he put the book down and we stayed intertwined with each other.

"How is the ball coming?" I asked curled up against him.

"You still want to go?" he inquired, surprised.

"And miss a chance to eye you in a three-pieces suit all night and have everyone jealous that the most handsome man there is at my arm? Never!" I joked, but I meant every word of that.

"And what armour has my little musketeer planned for this evening of eying me down?" he whispered playfully in my ear.

"Oh my love that is a surprise! I hope you like it." I snuggled into him, I wanted this to work, dancing in his arms all night was something I looked forward to do. I was also very curious to meet King Nashoba, maybe he could help me find Dae's mate, Kai. Being away from Crimson Moon Pack would never keep me away from the responsibility I had towards all of them.